Bad News

The look in your eyes screams of lonely nights
And sacreligious breathing
I wish I could feel sympathy but I'm not so great at believing the sacreligious
Things were said,
And things were meant,
But the saddest parts are the ones that are true.

I've got...
Bad news,
Bad news,
I've got nothing to say to you anymore
You've only got
Bad news
Bad news,
And I don't wanna hear it anymore

New Years Resolutions

• Do all homework, most at home.
• Do all extra credits.
• Stop biting nails.
• Downsize lying.
• Have a crush on a respectable, attractive kid, who lives locally.
• Front a band.
• Bass lessons.
• Work at animal shelter weekly or atleast bi-weekly.
• Keep room to a level of somewhat cleanliness.
• Write two songs a day, no more no less.
• Write two pages everyday.
• Keep a journal faithfully.
• Be nicer.
• Let go of idealistic thinking.
• Go to church every week.
• Do all open mics available.
• Stduy two minutes per subject a night.

weirdness.

You cant stand the sight of blood.
So stop cutting everybody out.
Sore again, theyre playing your song again.
Stand up, leave the room cause you don't wanna be the one to dance.

unfinished

Where were the video cameras to capture the big mistakes?

Where were the make up artists and all of the extra takes?

You got tongue tied, kissed the wrong guys,

What happened to your scripted life.

Strike one, forgot your lines and you’re out of bounds

Too bad the lines only exist when you’re somewhere else…

The Call That Doesn’t Come

You are the fatal blow

You are the call that doesnt come

You are the last kiss goodnight,

The final white flag,

Of the final fight,

And one more round, won’t get the enemy

Tragedy holds you near tonight.

 

You are the twisted knife.

You are the hemlock on my tongue.

Youre the last ring of the telephone.

The final red rose,

The last one to die,

And one more round won’t get the enemy,

You’ve got no friend in me tonight.

 

1.2.3.4.

Five minutes til the end of the world.

1.2.3.4.

Five minutes til the end of the world.

Breakdown, take down.

This is a shakedown.

Load up all your guns,

Dag out all the hunts,

This is a shakedown.

 

Part 1,

You’ve got no friend in me tonight.

(This is a shakedown)

You’ve got no friend in me tonight.

(One more round, one more round,)

The last one to die…

Write It Down

If it’s written down, does it mean its true?

If I say it loud, does it mean i love you?

Our hearts, see clearer than our wide eyes,

And our silence speaks louder than our, sharpened tongue.

Too much emotion, causes commotion,

Deep in this cardiac vessel.

 

Chorus:

If so, write it down,

I want to remember,

If so, write it down,

Right on my heart,

If so, write it down,

Scars only mean that its real at the start

 

 

Remaining a victim, of love i can’t see,

Cause its blind to its own redemptions,

Mistakes that i made only seem to grow bigger,

Like snowballs in winter, you give me the rest of the world,

When i all i wanted was you, look at the monster we turned into,

A runaway train with nowhere to go,

But ride all the mountains from here until you,

Theres something inside it’s old engine,

That keeps it going in the middle of the night…

If its written down, does it mean its true?

If i say it loud, does it mean..love you?

 

Chorus.

You’re Sorry I Found Out

You figured two was better than one

I can’t help but disagree

My friends told me were out there

Doing things with other people but I/didnt/believe

 

Chorus:

You figured two was better than one

I can’t help but disagree

While you were looking her, were you thinking of me?

While you were sleeping with me, were you remembering the nights you slept with her?

I can’t forgive you, and I won’t forget, you’re sorry i found out, not that you did it.

You figured two was better than one.

 

I thought i knew you.

I hardly know you now,

I’ll bet shes beautiful,

Talks loud, with the brightest lipstick,

Shiny toys are always played with first…

Oh baby, once a cheater, always a cheater…

Once, Twice, a thousand times, i always love the cheaters,

Lines, lies,a million ryhmes, i always love the cheaters…

(Yeahhhhhh)

 

Chorusx2

 

You figured two, was better than one. (I don’t think so)

Two was better than one, (do you think so, now?)

Two was better than one (couldn’t keep your eyes on me, no)

Two was better than one (I don’t think so.)

Hate It When

I kinda hate when you talk.

The sound of your voice,

It just pisses me off.

I hate it when you breathe.

Cause it means youre' still alive.

Only The Beautiful

We let the fairies die,

When we wish were beautiful,

They forget how to fly,

And turn less colorful,

Well, don’t let me fly away

Cause i wish i beautiful,

Oh how i wish i was beautiful.

We keep the magic distanced,

When we wish we were beautiful,

Shallow hearts show resistance,

And they forget how to beat,

Dont let me die young,

Cause i wish i was beautiful.

Oh how i wish i was beautiful.

 

Theres no such thing as a happy song,

And it’s all downhill from here,

One day if i’m beautiful,

I hope you’ll lend me your ear.

 

Rings dont mean forever,

And words don’t mean a thing,

Too bad I’m a fool,

Who’ll fall for anything.

 

Theres no such thing as  a happy song,

And it’s all downhill from here,

One day if i’m beautiful,

I hope you’ll lend me your ear.

 

Fairies live another day, to restore broken fate,

Those who die, die in vain.

Second chances dont mean anything when were on curtain number forty,

Staring down the line at the only one who’s dirty,

My eyes aren’t beautiful,

But he meets them just the same,

My lips aren’t beautiful,

But they must be good to taste.

 

Theres no such thing as a happy song,

And it’s all downhill from here,

One day if i’m beautiful,

You’ll lend m you eat.

Sick Of Love.

If scars mean the past,

And wounds mean the present,

Does the look in your eyes say future?

If love doesn’t cut, then why am i bleeding all over you?

Everytime you’re leaving.

It’s a disease, a medical condition,

Somebody call the doctor,

Chorus:

I think I’m gonna be sick,

I can’t handle this,

I think I’m falling in love,

My temperature is high,

I don’t know why,

I always get lightheaded when i think about you…

I think I’m falling in love…

In love…In love…

 

V2:

If time doesn’t stop,

And love doesn’t wait,

Does life ever really ever get to live,

When every single counts more than the last,

Cause were all running out of time.

I’m so sorry,

I can’t sleep now,

You’re even in my dreams…

It’s a disease, a medical condition,

Somebody please call me a doctor,

 

Bridge:

They call you doctor love,

But thats not what i need,

Not what i mean,

Cause boy,

You really got to see,

I’m going crazy,

Kind of insomniatac

Sooner or later,

I will be an addict,

I don’t know if i can cure this in a hospital,

But i hope that you will visit me all the time…

Chorus.

Seeing Things

Maybe it's okay I'm crazy,
Maybe it's okay you're scared of it all...
Maybe it's better to turn back around...
Maybe i'm seeing things...

All You Gotta Do

You've got no faith anymore in your talents
Quit the game, you'll never win like that.
One day when you see your potential
The threat of fail will lower its voice.
(I promise, I promise)
Loneliness is a bitter pill,
Your heart is overdosing.
Tomorrow lets start a new day,
Think of me when your eyes are closing,
Cause I...
I...

Believe, believe me,
It's not too late to believe,
Don't leave, Don't leave me,
I think i can teach you how to breathe,
All you gotta do is believe.

I'm not some jesusfreak,
I'm just somebody who cares,
Doubting you isn't my thing,
I want to take the stairs,
And if i sound like i'm preaching,
I'm only believing out loud...
(Out loud)

I have antidrugs,
I have silent love,
Teapots in space make you faithless,
Faith can't lose, you lost your faith.
(I promise, I promise)

Chorus.

Do you think you'll look stupid
Naive like me,
Flickers of heartache,
Scream in your dreams,
I cannot help you,
But i have a friend,
Who walks in the light,
Cause he knows where you end.
He knows what you can do,
The only one who sees you,
Knows you more than you know yourself.
One day youll need me,
Somebody,
Anybody,
When no one will hear you,
I won't sound foolish then,
I promise. I promise you this.

Chorus.

Liar, Liar.

Oh…

When you cry for me, don’t you die for me,

Your life’s not worth that much.

Cause you to cried to me, then you lied to me,

I thought you could be good.

Chorus:

Liar….Liar…

Liar….Liar…

Your mouth’s on fire, burning bridges that words never built.

(I can't swim to the better parts of you)

Liar…Liar…

Your mouth’s on fire, with five letter words it still can't pronounce.

(You know i mean the truth)

V2:

Liar…Liar

When you finally realize

That the empty in your eyes

Are just the wrinkles in time

When the truth weighs out the lies

When you finally open your eyes

When you finally see

I’ll be forgotten

But all the lies will remember me…

Chorus.

V1.

Chorus.

We Only Talk In My Dreams

Let the pain in the back of your legs remind you
How you walked all over me
Let the voice in the back of your head remind you
How you never said anything
Let the tan line on your finger
Remember the ring you wore with pride,
Especially with your hands in mine...

We only talk in my dreams anymore
We only talk in my dreams anymore
And oh, oh..
I've got so much left to say...
Everytime i wake up

Let the sound of my voice remind you
That it was never meant to be
Let the distinction of liberation
Be a signal I'm not free.
White flag, cause i think i'm giving up...
Take everything, cept the kitchen sink,
I need to wet the wounds that bleed.

We only talk in my dreams anymore
We only talk in my dreams anymore
And oh, oh...
I've got so much left to say
Everytime i wake up

Everytime i wake up...
Everytime i wake up
I put your face out of my head,
Get up and make my bed,
Cause you made yours...
Do you talk to me too?

*Acapella*
*We only talk in my dreams anymore*
*We only talk in my dreams *We only talk in my dreams,
I keep talking in my sleep...
Oh, oh..
Oh, oh..
We only talk in my...dreams.

Like Acid

Too bad i never see you anymore/It's an awkwardness that never gets rivaled/The point is I'm not done trying/ To forget what i thought i wanted, what i thought could make me smile/You don't know it/It's a ghost in your ear, a whisper you can only see, not hear/A nmemonic device, like a blank map for the road of our lives/Chorus: Your name, still tastes like acid in my mouth/Do you wake up with a bitterness i doubt/I'm not sure there was a wrong/But i there might not have been a right/Why does your name still taste like acid to me now?///It's a system of give and take/Of close and faraway/We call eachother stupid things/Or atleast i do...Chorus. ///Disappearing, wasnt an option, Last man in the ring only goes to auction/Highest bidder quick to scream/Lost the ability to never be/Chorus.

Kiss of Death<3

The most dangerous boy alive/Got em in my pocket, cause he's like a knife/In some respect when he's shining in a fading light/And oh...you know that he's sharp he could kill you/ Let you linger in pain for awhile/The most dangerous boy alive/I'm in pocket tonight/Theres no one left to resist/ Just him/ Even i can't resist the kiss/Cause everybody wants a kiss of death.

Date With The Devil.

I gave him my number three days ago
Hes not like other lame ones,
Who wait forever to call.
He knows what he wants,
He knows he can have it,
What can he say,
Hes like some kinda magnet...

Good girls,
Like bad boys,
And I've got a date with the devil tonight...
And I've got a date with the devil tonight...

Whatever You Want

So much for rightousness.
It's dead like chivalry.
You visit the graves.
Don't shed a tear for me.

Wait up, I need you now,
Hey you, where are you now,
Tell me, how you like it,
I'll be...
Whatever you want me to.

Fade out of conciousness,
Right into fantasy,
Made our mistakes,
Don't waste your breath on me, (breath)

Wait up, I need you now,
Hey you, where are you now,
Tell me, how you like it,
I'll be...
Whatever you want me to.

Can't believe...
Can't believe I...
Believed it...
All this time...
Don't let me stop you...
From getting what you want,
I'll be over here,
Pretending that it's me...
Waiting til it's me...

*Silence*
Wait up, I need you now.....
Wait up, I need you now,
Hey you, where are you now,
Tell me, how you like it,
I'll be...
Whatever you want me to.

Titles 11/14

Like Kindergarten: (One simple rule keep your hands to yourself.)
Toy Box: (One more doll for your toy box)
Predictions: (Seen everything, done everything, no more surprises. Dust on the dusk, and dinner on the moon, leads me to believe, forever i'll be loving you)
Uncareful Dreams: (I know the morning will take you away but, I'll keep you're heart in the palm of my hand. The candlelight in your eyes promises me sweet, uncareful, dreams. As if being with you ever lets me sleep.)

Follow Your Feet

You think you have all you wanted,
Why do you still cry? Then.
You don't remember what it feels like,
To capture a moment going by, well.

You'll never get free,
To be who you are,
You'll never get free,
You'll never get free.
Cause that's who you are.

Chained your mind to empty sheet,
Covered with words that you don't quite understand,
Where are you going, follow your feet.
Open your eyes but still youre asleep.

You'll never get free,
To be who you are,
You'll never get free,
You'll never get free.
Cause that's who you are.

Left behind all the hearts you broke,
Lost your own pieces along the way,
You're batting tenth and keep striking out,
You've got no one else left to blame.

You'll never get free,
To be who you are,
You'll never get free,
You'll never get free.
Cause that's who you are.

You thought you had all you wanted,
But neccessity buried you,
Beneath the weight of the eyes of dream,
And its original becomes subdued.

Chorus x2

Like A Snowflake

Chorus:
There's a light in your heart,
That touches my soul,
Burns bright like a shooting star,
Like a snowflake, I fell for you, oh so hard,
Don't you melt away,
I won't ever let you go,
I'm suspended in winter.
I won't ever let you go.

Hide And Seek.

Hide And Seek
You wring your wrists
Avoid my kiss
Like theres poison on my lips
It's no surprise
There's coal in your eyes
And we have just enough time...
Diamond skies,
Tell no lies,
And this one says I'm lonely.
Tea doesn't talk,
To human ears,
And silence never makes much sense.
Break down the wall,
If you hear me,
I can't reach,
You're starting to scare me,
Something else,
Something more,
Is what I need,
Can't keep looking for you..
It's never ending Hide and Seek..
Never ending hide and seek...

You fight yourself,
Day in and out,
Of visualizations you wake to at night,
Setting beating hearts ablaze and not knowing what is right,
I don't need your nightmares of
An unconclusive maze, with no consequencial prize.

Serious...

Looks like i want you,
Dead or alive,
But i think we know which one i'd prefer.
The dead tend to talk less,
About their exgirlfriends,
It's not something that i want to hear.

Chorus:
And if you're serious,
About me,
If you're curious about me,
Time for you to step up or step outta the way,
Oh if you're serious,
About me,
If you're curious about me,
Time for you to get real or go find some other game

I'm not controlling,
I know what i want,
And if you're not it, then i better stop wasting my time.
If you didn't want strings,
If you didn't wanna care,
then why are you still...standing here?

Chorus:
And if you're serious,
About me,
If you're curious about me,
Time for you to step up or step outta the way,
Oh if you're serious,
About me,
If you're curious about me,
Time for you to get real or go find some other game

I wanna be with you,
But you gotta let me have your eyes,
no i don't color...
No i don't mean your kind of girl,
You got me so intoxicated,
So frustrated,
Cause i dont take this,
don't put up with this shit,
Cause i'd have somebody better,
By the end of her shift...

Chorus:
And if you're serious,
About me,
If you're curious about me,
Time for you to step up or step outta the way,
Oh if you're serious,
About me,
If you're curious about me,
Time for you to get real or go find some other game...

Making Up The Truth/Just Beneath The Surface

If i make up enough truth, for the space between your sheets, i'll be sure to call you, and tell you what i've done/When i search the world, for a hand that can hold my restless heart/I'll write you, and tell you what i've done/And if i breathe the air between us, i might freeze to death, cause it so cold, if i let the moment slide, i might do something better with my time/Chorus: Don't you cry for me, don't you pine for me, cause i'll be back someday/Don't tell them, where i've gone, only you'll know that i'm just beneath the surface, untouchable but i can hear you breathe/If i make up enough truth, for the hole in your heart, I'll never call you, cause everythings a lie/When i reach the end, of the world that we can see/I'll nver write you, cause you'll never write me off...and...Chorus. Close your eyes, i can't watch this/The bloody victimizing, cause love's never meant to last...Chorus.

Step Back

In your voice, I hear a whisper/Like a boy, let yourself whither/It's not like i care/You're just one person, in my Times Square/Chorus: My heart, doesnt speed up anymore/Your kiss, doesn't belong on my lips/Your time, no longer is mine/Just step back, it's over/You never wanted this to happen/I never meant to break your heart/Don't say the words, they leave stab wounds/Too deep to ever heal/Chorus:My heart, doesn't speed up anymore/You're kiss, doesn't belong on my lips/Your time, no longer is mine/Just step back, cause it's over/Put down your weapons, leave the mess where it is/I don't wanna know you, anymore/Just lay down the words, you wanted to say/Let them go to be someone else's cliche/Chorus.

End of the World

Tom left home a few years ago
His momma aint heard anything yet
She prays every night
But everybody tells her, save your prayers cause he's dead
She keeps crying tears of shame
If something only changed,
Her shoulders shake every night
Cause she knows it could've been different...

It's only the end of the world,
Don't worry, you haven't missed it,
Keep breathing, you're heads above water
It's only the end of the world

Tina was a cheerleading caption
Back in highschool
Everybody told her she was beautiful
But now she doesn't think its true
The banging of pots and pans in her head
Keeps blocking out good ideas
She only feels when she's hurting
And its not like she waits around for that

It's only the end of the world,
Don't worry you haven't missed it,
Keep breathing, you heads above water,
It's only the end of the world.

With Just A Kiss

I know you’re lips have been running over peoples
And you keep running your mouth
I can’t quite figure it out
I look stupid now
Are you happy now?
The candle is blowing out
Can you see how I felt
You never think about anything
I wasn’t a mess when we started out
You got me jumping around,
Got my feet off the ground,
But I guess I’m not the sole flyer.
You don’t tell the truth
But does that make you a liar?

Houston, we’ve got a problem
I’m not the only one and oh…
I know that’s how you fix things,
This can’t be fixed with just a kiss

They told me not to keep waiting for you
To keep coming around
But you were something bad
I thought we could be good
Stubborn as always
You know I never listen
Every time your she‘s here, you keep me running away
I keep on running my mouth
You can’t quite figure it out
Theres something going on
Shes looks way too involved
Thought this was just me and you
Do I wanna know?
Ignorance is bliss
She looks hungry
Time to feed her with a kiss
Before she withers away
Thought you were stronger than this
They told me to be careful
When playing with fire

Houston, we’ve got a problem
I’m not the only one and oh…
I know that’s how you fix things,
This can’t be fixed with just a kiss

Draft one. Loves healthy.

Somebody told you how to live/ But they never taught how to love/Act only when acted upon/Give away your heart and you can say so long/Its been two years but I know how/To be a queen without a crown/I don't need to help pretend/ That I am someone strong/No one said loves good for you, no one said you'll like it/ No one said you'd make it through/ God's not done deciding/ I'll see you at the other side, keep your hand open for me, You eyes are so clear it almost hurts, cause no one said love's healthy/They taught me how to run/But never how to stop/A restless dream I wander through, more endless turns that lead to you/ I struggle with my selfish pride/ And all the scars I'll never hide/I found the pieces, we'll survive/ And happy never lasts/No one said loves good for you/ No one said you'll like it/ No one said you'd make it through/ God's not done deciding/ Will I see you at the other side/ I'll wait for you on bended knee/ I can't watch the end of you, no one told you love's not healthy/You're losing your mind, losing your mind/ Falling behind, falling behind/ Where do you go, where should you hide?/ I know this place too well/First chorus x2 i guess no one told you..

When Will You Be Mine...

I’ve got a feeling that today could the be the day
When you turn around and say what you like you need to say
Its not fair to keep me thinking of you…
When I have got so many other better things to do
But I can’t imagine a single day, without your face going through my mind
And I, don’t breathe a single breath without wondering when you will be mine, oh…
Cause you’re standing so close but you don’t move closer,
When all it takes from you to knock me over,
Another smile, another smile, oh..
When will you be mine…
I know this heart is a runaway train driving 300 miles in the pouring rain,
One day it’ll make a stop, and pick you up cause you’re going someplace,
It’s not fair too try and hold you here
When you need someplace to shine brighter than you do
But I can’t imagine a single day, without your face going through my mind
And I, don’t breathe a single breath without wondering when you will be mine, oh…
Cause you’re standing so close but you don’t move closer,
When all it takes from you to knock me over,
Another smile, another smile, oh..
When will you be mine…
I;ve got a feeling that I kinda know what you’re gonna say
When you say that you’ll call me
Tell me about another bad date, and I’ll be thinking how great we’d be,
I know I could, be the one to, loosen up you’re love and bring you down…
Given the chance…
Oh come on give me a chance…oh
But I can’t imagine a single day, without your face going through my mind
And I, don’t breathe a single breath without wondering when you will be mine, oh…
Cause you’re standing so close but you don’t move closer,
When all it takes from you to knock me over,
Another smile, another smile, oh..
When will you be mine…

Titles Again

Probable Cause, Electric Heart, What Nobody Knows.

Its A Crime

I found out yesterday
That I am not alone
In thinking that I'm somebody
Who doesnt have a home...
By saying what i feel
And meaning what i say
I create the cloud of openness
That forever goes away

Its a crime against soceity
To know just who you are
It's a crime against yourself
To remain behind their bars
Its a crime...

Ill be ever so enticing..

Try another lipstick on...

(Stop Being Who You're Not) What Does Your Mirror See? first stuff. drafts.

You're in.
You're out.
You're in again.
i dont know what its about.

When it gets to the finish line
Do you know what you want from life
When you scream at the top of your lungs
Do you recognize the voice?

You could get Emmy for the role that you keep playing
Who am i even standing next to? Whos standing next to me?
Do you know who are? Who you wanna be?
Tell me tell me, what does your mirror see?

You try to change the reflection,
Make a brand new start
Cover the surface with make up,
They might not see,
They might not know that you're not real,
its a facade, and hiding is your artifice,
How do i know something real extists? at all...

It Just Occured To Me..

This will sound foreign and obscure/This will break all the rules/This will close openhanded hearts/This will wake your muse/It just occured to me, that you don't love true/You're not a cure to me, a cure can't play you/You just referred to me, as someone you knew/Please just reword for me, cause I don't know you/Your eyes are cloudy and deterred/Your soul is unprotected/Your kiss will abate over time/Your life will make you blind/It just occured to me, that I don't love you/You're not assured in me, but I will get through/It's just absurd to me, how low you sink to/You're not matured to me, you still have your youth/This time its uncontrolled....(echo)/It just occurred to me, that they don't love you/You won't return to me, but I don't want proof/You didn't learn from me, I still can't help you/You can infer from me, that love won't kill you/It just occured to me, that i don't love you/You're not a cure to me, I never played you/It's just a mystery, how they all see truth/Something they'll never see, how I don't need you/It just occurred to me...

Butterfly Jane.

She left him on a Thursday.
He never liked them, anyway.
He watched her walk away,
she never enjoyed a chase.
Or the optimism, of young lovers, who forgive mistakes.
She stood still for a moment, and couldn't help but let the ground turn away.

Just like that, she burned the words of her love letters,
Left him scarred to find the road her life was on,
He didn't understand, he'll never understand her.
She flew away, and they called her
Butterfly Jane.

She spread her wings, and fell down,
He leaped to help but she wouldn't come around,
She told him, it was over, there was nothing left to say,
He found the words, couldn't mask his disarray.
She's breaking the rules, became cold and unmoved,
By all the pleasure-seeking,
Left the realm of joy rides, and entered a night of sleepless dreaming.

Just like that she erased the traces of her wasted time,
Left him scarred to remember a love she'd already forgotten.
She didn't understand, why he never understood her,
Reasoning for them calling her
Butterfly Jane.

He couldn't let her go,
He becomae so exposed,
Glass jar around her freedom,
To be the queen to his empty kingdom,
She changed his world forever,
(Echo)
She'll try to forget
The time her wings weren't spread
When her heart was tied down
To a boy she had found,
To a home in her head....
But she's Butterfly Jane.
Fly away oh fly away,
butterfly jane...
Say goodbye....
Butterfly Jane...

The Princess& The Queen.

She's got you hanging by a thread/We see it in your eyes/The champion lays defeated, with only the princess in his sights/I know where shes been/She aint what you think/Learn the hard way be my guest/Youll wont live long if your living like this/High maintence, homecoming queen/Key to your heart, no, she aint like me/Hair done in her tiny dress/You let her think shes the best, its your fault shes the princess/Now you can't even breathe/Deny what we see/Youre everywhere, it isnt fair, does she know how much you really care? Should i tell you that you're wasting your time? Shes got everything that money can buy/ I know wheres she been. she aint what you think. learn the hard way, be my guest, you wont live long keep living like this/ High maintence, homecoming queen/ Key to your heart no, she aint like me/Hair done in her tiny dress, you let her think shes the best, now she thinks shes the princess/Step up, little girl, its time you sat one out, I know you think you're something special, but I have doubt/Time for you to see, it doesnt make a difference to me/You may be the princess, but I am still the queen/And sooner or later or later or sooner, were all gonna see/ That your.....high maintence, homecoming...high maintence, step down from the throne/You had the key to his heart, but, you were overthrown, You hairs still done, and it don't look good, things are going back to the way that I knew they would...You may be the princess but I am still the....should i tell you that you're wasting your time?

The Voiceless.

And if i find comfort in my bitterness,
Please excuse me dear friends,
I'm no longer singing for just myself,
I'm screaming the volumes for the voiceless.

More Titles...

Penance...(spelling?!?), Gift From Hell, Afterthought

Taking Sides/Knock it Off/ Keep Believing

This is like a jungle sometimes
I can't tell which way is in or out
I keep thinking that its something its not
And that's not my fault
(Woah, woah)
I can't keep believing
Thats somethings gonna change me
(Woah, woah)
Can't tell the time, can't get away,
The lights blinding my eyes, and i still wanna stay,
I don't knw why,
And that's not my fault

I keep taking, taking sides,
i keep taking yours, and not taking mine,
I'll never get this, get this right,
Not if we keep taking sides...
(Lets knock it off.)
(Woah, woah)
(Lets knock it off...)

This isn't a war, and its not a game
We've lost the time, can't start again,
Theres something underneath this,
That i can't quite, figure out alone,
But everything you touch you taint,
I can't leave myself to chance,
You taught me everything I know,
And now I don't know where it went
This is all your fault

I can't keep believing...
I can't keep believing...

I'm free falling into something,
You can't keep what you never had,
The tighter you hold,
The more that slips away,
I guess that's not my fault...
(Woah, woah)
I can't keep believing...
(in you)
i can't keep believing...

I keep taking, taking sides,
i keep taking yours, and not taking mine,
I'll never get this, get this right,
Not if we keep taking sides...
(Lets knock it off.)
(Woah, woah)
(Lets knock it off...)

I can't keep beliving...
(this lie)
I cant' keep believing
(That look in your eye)

I keep taking, taking sides,
i keep taking yours, and not taking mine,
I'll never get this, get this right,
Not if we keep taking sides...
(Lets knock it off.)
(Woah, woah)
(Lets knock it off...)x2

Under the bed, under the bridge

Under your bed there is a face
that you've tried to forget
Over and over again
Time wears down
The eager in his eyes,
and the crooked in his smile,
You never laugh anymore,
Cause the sound is something your hiding under your bed

Under the bridge is the water
You'd told you never tasted
That brought you to life
That one summer day
When you died, and let them hurt you
Under the bridge is the soul of a girl
You swear you never knew
You'll never meet her
But you know
She's waiting for you
If ever you need her

I'm under your bed,
I'm under the bridge,
Left lying awake,
In a queen of dreams,
I hear your voice,
I call your name,
But you've forgotten,
That you used to meet me,
Under your bed and under the bridge,
Now I've become
Imaginary to you,
But you'll always be real,
As long as its real...

Under my bed, There is a face,
I've tried to forget,
Over and over,
Under the bed...

Outta My Head

A tiny box holds my emotions,
Call my name but I can't hear,
Was that my imagination,
Why don't I know whats real?

Cause now
You got me crazy,
You got me outta my head,
Something i swore to myself,
I won't let you forget.
The burn of a love that I
will never regret,
has got me so crazy,
so outta myhead.

Like a traffic light you stop my breathing,
Spinning tires don't stop on time,
My hearts still spinning.

Chorus. x2

Titles.

No Girls Allowed, Shh.

Titles

Taking Sides,
Provoke,
Close Your Eyes For This Part,
The System.

Titlles for this week.

Eyes Wide Open,
Best Intentions,
Unchartered,
Lyrics of Acid....

I like the second song. Scream.

Isn't it funny how you never
Never had the time
Isn't it funny how you always
Always said i was on your mind
But you can't
You can't unlive the lie
You can't
You won't know what you want til you close your eyes
And scream out loud
And scream out loud
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She's like a drug
So good and so bad for you
Cat got your tongue
But you know you don't wanna be used
Why can't we all just

C-Say what you want say what you feel
What you need
Scream what you want scream what you fear
What you mean
Say what you know say what you like
What you see
And after all make sure that you
Mean what you scream

Ambidextrous
Seeing through all of the smoke
Back doors open for you
But you can't breathe you choke
Too many bright lights
Too many blind turns
When will she ever learn
False alarm here we go again
You know it's not what it shouldve been

C-Say what you want say what you feel
What you need
Scream what you want scream what you fear
What you mean
Say what you know scream what you like
What you see
And after all make sure that you
Mean what you scream

Eyes closed.
Still hearts.
Waiting.
For the fun to start.
Deep breath.
And sigh.
Too much.
For you tonight.
How could
She take.
You're heart.
It was so easy to break.
You're left.
Without a voice.
Without a cry.
But you made you're choice....
(To) *pause*

Chorus (2x?)

lies.

If you gave me any truth
Any part of you
Maybe it could’ve worked out
If you really ever cared
Ever did your share
Maybe it would’ve worked out
Don’t kiss me goodnight
This heart won’t say goodbye
I want you I need you
But I won’t waste my time
I want you I need you
But I won’t waste any more time on you

Life.

As we get older, I feel like I'm chasing white rabbits around in my head. I lose track of time and follow them around. And then it's like I'm falling forever. I think I'm finally done changing, and I've let go of the illusion of what I was, and let go of the dream that I'd be perfect. It just feels like the pressure is gone and now it's just me. So tonight instead of writing a song, although i will momentarily, I felt like just blogging. Saying hey, I found my lifeline. And it was me all along. I didn't try hard enough to understand it, and like anything we don't understand I think I ran away from it. It's my turn and I don't need to lose myself to be pretty. In mind and body. That's yesterday's concept. One that I'm pretty sure I'll fall prey to atleast once more in my life. What can I say? Parts of me saw it coming. It'll fade in and out. I'll ignore my conscience and memory. In some aspects I'm once burned twice shy, but some I'm not. I don't know what I want, and I'm trying not to ask myself. This path I'm walking on, sometimes it's hard not to run ahead, or even runaway, cause I just can't take it. Some moments are beautiful, and sometimes I'm just sick of it all. "Still don't know what I was looking for."

I'll drive until i find the missing piece.

(Its not fair)
(Its not fair)
If eyes don’t see through of hate
I guess I’ll never see your face
If you keep breathing misery
And all you touch twists in agony
I can’t help you from the point that you knocked me down to
And frankly I wouldn’t if I could

.

I feel so stupid, mere apologies can't even begin to explain. It was me who incorrectly assumed and...oh god. THIS is why i need church.

She Speaks In Knives

I see your trap I see what you think
I’m just another whose easy to shrink
You flatter and dart your eyes
You didn’t compensate for me being so guised
She sees the world you regret to believe in
So much mistaken for they all deceive you
You forget that we’ve been here before
You’ve forgotten what it feels like therefore
You speak in knives you cut all the ties
You live for the nights and survive on your lies
You speak in knives you mock those who try
You live for the times when youre saying goodbyes

Cause For Your Misery

They tell you
You don’t know what you want or you are
You see
I know you better than that
I know you like you think you know me
Their happiness is no cause for your misery
I can’t stand the sight of you so completely not you
Its crazy you see
Their happiness is no cause for your misery
Why waste your time
On someone who doesn’t know your name
By the time
You be what they want to see
They change their minds again

I Run

Verse 1: She receives vistors, when theyre mislead, when theres nothing to do, but read thoughts in my head, Pre chorus: When your broken, and beaten and cant even breathe, when the pieces are missing, and ripped at the seams, when nobody sees the scattered mess, she puts you puts you back together, when youre a wreck, shes the one thing we see, we close our eyes, shes the one who holds you, when you cry at night. Chorus: When I can't even tell I'm alone, she knows, so I run to love, I run from you, I run to love, to find out whats true, I run to love, I run to love. Verse 2: How can you tell, when something is gone, cause it looks like its there, but theres nobody home, when the lights are all off, she can still see, when youre covered and cracked, she sees in between, all the leftover hurt youve been hiding inside, all the dark that you cover, to hold up the light, she remembers your face, youve been here before, when your empty and lonely, shell wait by the door, when nobody knows who you are, Chorus. Bridge: Its okay. Its okay if you run to her, when you cant crawl, when theres nobody else, for you to call, its okay, its okay, to run. Pre chorus. then chorus. Whisper: When I can't even tell I'm alive...when i'm left with nothing inside...when nothing is real and nothing is there...when everythings gone, and i dont care...when im left without you without any hope, when i hear the screams and im feeling so cold. pause. Pre chorus to end.

clear liquor and cloudy eyes.

you have stolen my heart. but keep it now. you break it you buy it.

Okay.

Is it okay
If it feels like your slipping away
Like I’m wasting my words
And my time
That its too late
To have what we once had
And nothing is okay
Is it alright
If I can’t let go
Cause that’s what friends do
That’s what friends do
And you ever remember that I’m outside
Ill still be here waiting for you to play
Cause somewhere in there
Is the friend I used to know
And somewhere in me
Is the one that wants to show you
How I can be and who I am
But I’m standing in front of a wall
And its making me feel so small

Truce

Tonight I shut the door/Lose the key forget the score/Erase the feelings in between the lines/Its really not the way you play/ Its if you win the game/And I'm done wasting my time/Chorus: I raise the flag tonight/Truce,truce/Lay down the weapons i wont fight/truce, truce/

The Boiling Point

You got the words that you wanna verbalize/He sits before you with ice in his eyes/Theres little white little black and so much grey/There's walls between that you wish to go away/But you cant/No you try and try but you can't/You have a point/ You have a boiling point/ You have a point/ So make it and move on with your life/You've hit the ceiling and can only go down/This is where it ends where you finally touch the ground/Gone so low you can only freeze/You sit and wait for something to please/No time in life to know yourself/Where your going, no one can help/You have a point/A boiling point/You have a point/You have a boiling point/You have a point/ So make it and move on/Listen boy, pay attention to me/ I know its not hard/ I know youre free but nothing good ever is/ You have the words but do you have the kiss? You try and you try but you can't/ This is my boiling point/This is my boiling point/You broke it move on with your life.

Like A Diary...maybe ill post a vid to it...i like this song.

You
Criticize like you understand
You
Watch safely from the outside
But close enough to look in

My heart has written its story
You can't the words cause youre not worthy

This open diary
Explains all of me
I keep you searching and I keep you spinning
But, maybe you can read me like a book
Just like a diary

The things I wanna say
Holding in so close to me
You take away the walls
Provide a tunnel to the outside world
Maybe its okay to materialize fear
Read about love and write it all down
I'm okay

This open diary
Explains all of me
I keep you searching and i keep you spinning
But maybe you can read me like a book
Just like a diary

I wont return...

So sick of drama. Disappointd in alex's conversation tonight. He didn't know hair metal. I'm listening to Ashely Tisdale. Thinking about piercing my nose. Little voices in my head. Please go away.

Too tired to look for notebook....gonna write a song...

We've burned our bridges
Now were swimming in the polluted waters
I'm finally breathing
Now you cant drag me under

Finding a rythm
My heart beats steady now
Theres no more extremes
I'm not even sure how

Its its unbelievable
You can't have my thoughts
No you can't have my thoughts

My mind changes quicker than the days
I have lost control
Dont see the error in my ways
Closed off the entry to my soul

Its its unbelieveable
You can't have my thoughts
No you can't have my thoughts....

dont know where i thought this was going....just needed to rant in some way that is not completely out and out everything i wanna say....trust me...you have no idea what im talking about...and when you THINK you do...you dont...

Are you ready for this?

So confused. I dont know what to do. I just wanna be like whatever. But it isnt in my nature. Anyway...vocal rest day went good. I actually didnt sing like....at all. I'm pretty proud of myself actually. Too tired to even say anything else. NOT singing is hard work. Nite.

Maybe were too young and I dont even know whats real...

I was in the car with my mom before, listening to 38 Special. And I'm thinking, this dude makes total fucking sense. This guy is telling the object of his affection that he loves her, more or less. And so I'm sitting there thinking about what I want in boyfriend. Its gonna sound like a lot, but maybe one day itll happen. I mean, who knows right? Okay. I just want somebody to love me, completely. Somebody I make go weak at the knees, and yet is totally strong enough for me to fall on on those days when I just need to fall. He has to be there without being there ALL the time. He just has to be the kinda guy, giving me the kinda feelings people, including myself, sing about. He doesnt have to be perfect, he just has to be my kind of awesome. Also, I think it depends on when you meet someone that dictates what kinda awesome they are to you. You have to be ready and they have to be ready. Why the fuck am I thinking about this now?

You shouldve said no baby...Now everybody knows....

Def Leppard is amazingness. And I feel like I've overcome true hurtles today. Shyness. Fear itself. Myself. Making an idiot of said self. Keeping cool. Not letting stupid things bother me. Stuff that doesnt matter. And letting myself take credit for something that i worked really hard for. Today was a lot of fun. You want a girlfriend but you dont want strings.

End It All...

Well 75, its been fun. But I'm out. I'm done. I want to forget. I want to forgive. I want to move on like I'm really okay. I want new adventures. With new people. I want to get a chance to start over where nobody knows everything about me. And if Tech can give me all that. I guess its fine. Its only highschool honey. I don't understand the point of living like your afraid to die. Cause the funny thing about this life, is no one ever makes it out alive anyway. So whats the point of being afraid? Whats the harm in laughing it off, forgiving and forgetting, touching the fire again only to get burned. Twice. Who cares if so and so thinks your nuts. Yes. Because coming from them it means something. No. It doesnt. I'm so sick of the bullshit. Oh. By the way. Today was amazing. I need to sing. I need to do concerts, arenas, i'm dreaming of sold out shows on a faraway coast. I wanna sing. I wanna sing. I have a voice for a reason. As long as I believe then, anything is possible and I wanna sing. I wanna let things go from the way that my mind is completely empty when i'm there. and people like it. They dont mind it. They enjoy it. So why should I end it all?

Now theres not even breathing room, between pleasure and pain.

Well, fellow bloggers, I am in a sad state of affairs. I have read three books today because of my milk withdrawals. I am singing Monday in the talent show, and milk is bad for your vocal chords so I can't have dairy period but I am CRAVING milk. I drink it everyday. All the time. I am a milk FIEND and now I am practising self-control.
I've also been thinking a lot. It's so weird. Guys are everything girls do NOT need, and yet their everything we want. I think nature just tricks us a lot for the purpose of continuation of the species. I know a lot of nice guys. I guess. But no girl really wants a NICE guy. We want someone wholl take moderate control, without being too controlling. Who'll kiss us when the moment is so perfect, and when it is TOTALLY wrong. Who'll fight with us. Who'll agree with us. Who knows exactly when to fight and when to just agree. Someone we can talk to. Who teaches us stuff about ourselves and everything around us. I think that's what I want atleast. Who am I kidding? I have no idea what I want. I feel better now though. I'm getting more confident and everything. I would even go as far as cocky lately. I feel good. And its a real good. Not a fake good. I'm nervous about this summer though. But highschool doesnt scare me. I was more afraid of the eight grade then I am of freshman year. Because I'm a freak. God this feels so good. Just to talk like somebody's listening. I missed this. I'm also getting better at conversation. I can interest the common person for a few minutes now and actually enjoy myself with it. And OMG, one other thing I learned about myself this week: I LOVE LOVE LOVE performing on stage. I'm not even sure how it happens. At any point during the day, there are fifty MILLLION thoughts going through my head, but when I'm singing on stage, theres emptiness. My body moves and words come out, but I dont tell them to. I'm so not in control. And yet I'm totally in control. Its weird. Amyway...I'm gonna go record a little, try not to think about milk and read. Ciao.

Guys and microphones are the root of all evil.

Just so YOU know.

I dont know what I've done....

New favorite song lol. Im siiiiiiick. And I hurt. Everywhere. Its not nice. So I lay in bed, pndering life, death, God, guys, holy baby jesus!!!! I didnt tell you about banquet! I dont know what I expected to happen there. I had fun. I cried. I danced and hugged people and oh my god. I slow danced with two guys that I dont even like. One I don't even know. I don't know what I'm gonna do. But I have to do something. Like whats the worst that could happen? I really dont wanna die before I really live. That would suck. You have no idea what I'm talking. Dear god. Lets keep it that way. More later. Mwahs.

Nature is a whore....

Nature is a bitch. It makes us think things that arent actually true. I like this guy ok? I will never tell who it is. Laying back was never my thing. To the common eye, it looks like I do. But I know I don't. And this is exactly what I'm doing at the moment. Laying back. Biting my tongue. Settling. I hate that word. I'm gonna do something insane. And I'm not talking about dying my hair insane. A new insane. This is not your grandmothers kitchen anymore baby! Lets crank the heat up.

Please save your cliches for someone who wants them a little less....

So ha. I am alive. Six flags was so much fun. My brain is dead. Ok...that was a lie. My mind is fully functional in every area except those that would actually be helpful right about now. Banquet thursday! I finally have a dress...its white and im gonna wear white make up and dance my little feet off and hopefully look like i have a hangover when i wake up. is it sick if i look forward to that?....maybe a little huh? ah well....hopefully i wont do anything too stupid. =/. oh....i finally got a new phone too. ill write more later when im not surrounded by thirty people that can so easily walk by and read the concepts of my outer-inner mind.

I know i sound insane, like i'm playing games...

Alright. Sorry mike. I really really do mean it. You are a good friend. Don't make me eventually hate you by trying to do the couple thing. I can't do teen relationships. Its time to accept this. I can't date guys I don't like. Its a crippling fact actually. I'm sorry. But yeah... I wrote a new song if which vrai entitled Senses. I really like the song and OMG....i didn't get to sing on stage yesterday. I was very upset. Oh yeah...I got an "awesome" hair cut. I'm still not sure if i really like it but everyone else does...idk..Note to everyone: Audacity is amazing. THANK YOU JAY. But yeah.... i recorded Senses a few times and I even played around with backing vocals for awhile. I personally think the song is very cool. I like it. I'm being more honest with myself now. A bit ironic if you ask Aimez but, I am. Oh and yeah...some of the things I say on here are actually a little funny. Got to go.

Where have our senses gone?

"Arista Wednesday. Great. More physical and mental assault...i mean... lovely entertainment, from the Paulo IS75 8th Chorus." lmao. So anyway, this is kind of a general update. I'm fine. I'm still over it. Which is nice. Guess what?? TOMORROW I GET TO BE ONSTAGE DURING SIXTH PERIOD. i have ALWAYS wanted to sing on that stage. and yeah. i might be a little scared but...thats okay because i WANT to be there. so itll work. and i swear if reinhold tries anything tomorrow...he shall wish he was dead. oh btw--i tried out to be in a saint clare production of beauty and the beast. i practiced my english accent lol i'm not sure if i got the part or not actually....we'll see.

I can breathe without you dear.

Deep in your soul.....Lies a lonely heart....that only ever pumps for you alone.....I feel like I've been hit by an 18 wheeler. I've moved on. I'm over it. I'm finished. And that is a good thing. A good thing for me. To be done with. And while I'm thrilled that someone actually cares, well....a few people actually care, its tiring reiterating myself over and over because I am in fact....done. Aimez and certain people....MIKE....dont believe me. I'm right. I know I am. I have to be. I absolutely positively have to be. I want to be out of here. In the deepest chamber of my heart....maybe Im already gone.....and maybe thats a good thing. Why are there so many maybes? Its not fair. Btw---thank you Mike Spella....I had...a thing...yesterday....but I still dont like you. Like that. Just in case you were wondering. Cause. That's not happening. I'm sincerely sorry...well...no not really... I shouldn't have to be sorry for something i dont feel. And...seeing as you "adore me with every fiber of your being," wouldn't want me to be sorry for something I cant help. And....I did something...and I'm proud. It was the first step of being over. Thats when it clicked. That I need to be out of here. Out of this place. Its a room that I'm leaving and locking the door. I'm gone. Bye bye bye. Lmao. Wasnt that a NSync song? Anyway. I want to go home. Actually...no I dont want to go home. I just want to go to sleep. For a really really long time. And when I wake up, there will favorably be a (good looking) prince there. With a white horse that can explain everything. That would be nice. I'm very confused about a lot of things. Which is not nice. At all. Goodbye.

hmm....about damn time.

La la la. Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you. HA. I said it. I finally said it. Now whether I mean it or not is the question.

You never been so used as I'm using you...

Well then. Officially 14, and I vow to never again for the rest of my life clean a toilet. I am officially find a husband who cleans toilets. It is my new lifelong quest. Anyway...I'm having a birthday party in like 2 hours....I have no idea how many people are coming, how many people I invited, or anything actually. But you know what? I dont' care. At this point I'm virtually non-existent. My mind is somewhere else all the time. Gotta go find that. ttyl

Though its easy to pretend I know your not a fool..

I love that song. Anyway..I'm deleting the alst post cuz I'm really not like that. I mean, he was cute but, not like....blogworthy. So..last nite was fucking amazing. My feet hurt but I really enjoyed everything. The whole thing. Usually at family parties my butt is glued to the chair. But last nite was awesome. I was dancing with my aunts who were acting just like me and we all had a lot of fun. I hated the fucking dj though. Every fucking kids game he had to grab me for. To help or whatever. I was like...shooting daggers at him with my eyes. But I still had a lot of fun. And...just saying here, no matter how many ltc movies are made about guys being jerks, you tell them this fact and they act like your the first one to ever think it. Like, how dare you not bow. Jerks.

Women who are just too pretty to even be alive cause its just....not fair:

1. Heidi Klum. Honestly? Come on now.
2. Angelina Jolie is just an alien so, I'm not sure if she belongs on this list. But really has anyone besides Brad Pitt pulled up her shirt? I bet you anything theres no belly button.
3. Rihanna....as much I hate to admit it, she went from sweet girl innocence to bad girl and everything in between has rocked. you go girl!
4. Taylor Swift....just...not....fair.
5. Hayley Williams. If I was that pretty I really would not know what to do with myself.
6. Cassadee Pope. This girl should just be killed already.
7. Eva Mendez. I don't see whats so great about her. But ravings on her last movie guarantee her a place on this list.
8. Anne Hathway. She's pretty in a...modest way.
9. Jennifer Anniston. Ditto here. Are you sorry now Brad?
10. Nicole Kidman. Lost the short husband, got herself a good pair of heels, cut her hair and BOOM. Are you sorry now Tom?

...

I've been thinking. And talking to some pretty decent guys who are kinda just clueless when it comes to girls. So heres some basic ground rules:
1. Don't lie to us. Odds are we can figure out when somethings wrong.
2. Forcing us to do something won't make the situation any better. However, caox away!
3. Odds are, being a heterosexual male, a girlfriend down the road is gonna ask you, "Does this make me look fat?" Bad answer: Uh...no Bad answer#2: Yes? A little... Good answer: No. (This cancels out number one when we happen to look fat.)
TOO FUCKING TIRED. MORE LATER. NOT SURE WHY I STARTED THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE. UGH. COFFEE!!!!

Woke up this morning....bitterness in my mouth...

I was right. I never told anyone what I thought but it doesnt matter now. I was right. And eventually, my being right is gonna complicate things for me. But right now I'd just like to bask in the fact that I wasn't wrong about this.

While my tongue is on the inside of some other guy's teeth....

Tell your girlfriend....if shes got beef that I'm vegetarian and i fucking scared of her...lmao. ok sorry i was having a moment...i've been having them a lot lately actually. "me" moments. where i just have fun. It's quite wonderful actually. sorry i havent blogged lately...i just kinda wanted to see where this little "happy patch" would take me. and now its over. mrs.chan called my house this week, we got report cards and...my mom is just out and out pissed at me. so..."happy patch" terminated. but that doesnt mean i still can't have fun. tonight i wanna go out...i wanna go to the movies....saturday night i wanna go to a dance...and sunday i wanna have a band practice...is that a sin? guys suck. like....officially...and yay, i have singing tonight. i cant wait...and i cant wait for the talent show. which im in. because...hell yeah...i'm fucking awesome!lmao...my friends boyfriend, (who cheated on her, then she stupidly took back), dumped her, called her a fat ugly bitch, and said he was only dating her to get to her best friend. so, if anyone was wondering why some guys officaially SUCK thats why. and no, jay, ten years from now i wont be a lesbian. ten years from now i'll be dating some hot college guy wondering why i ever thought guys sucked in the first place. until he dumps me, then i'll remmeber. but thats okay. cuz i get up. fall down seven times get up eight right? oh yeah. did i mention my stalker? mike...who thinks he loved me but called me a whore, bitch, and THEN lied to me and said he did POT (FUCKING COME ON????) and now he thinks its okay to call me. and call me babe no less. still. after everything. after every single thing that i told him. EVERYTHING. and another tht pissed me off about him....i felt like he was trying to manipulate me into liking him. im sorry. i do not date why nots. and especially fake pothead why-nots!!!!! okay? okay. bells gonna ring soon. i'll write more later. i missed this.

Yeah I talk shit just deal with it

Last night I couldn't sleep at like 3 a.m. so I read a book. And in this book, a guy is having a party and invites his girlfriend, who is quite like me actually, and so not a party girl. However, she thinks this is what her boyfriend wants and therefore, drinks a beer and dances with one of her guy friends in a um.....suggestive way. A bunch of non-important events happened then, thus leading the girl to go to his dorm, and tell him she was sorry for acting like an idiot at his party. He explains that he never wanted a party girl, only her. Which I thought was very sweet and I actually cried over this book too. It was important for me that they stayed together. That's a mature relationship. I actually hugged the book for awhile after I read it, just to let it soak in.
Now my knee really hurts for some reason and there is no way I can ride my bike. School tomorrow =(

Everytime I see you it gets more and more intense....

Note to all teenage girls: Grandfathers bringing up people in your age group posing nude online is a topic you furiously want to avoid. Trust me. It's weird. Especially when you add the fact that you know someone that did it. So yeah, awkward conversation cause he apparently "worries" about me. The right people never worry about me and the wrong people always do lol. Anyway, hope everyone had a happy Easter or Passover or whatever anyone else celebrates lol. I wanna do something today. I have had my dose of crazy for awhile though. And by the way, to all of the people who still think women have no place in rock, I'd like to point out one thing. The 80's. Okay? Follow me here. Poison, Crue, Kiss, need I go on? What do they look like? WOMEN. The 80's look was inspired by women, and the music was about fucking them and getting high with them. Lol. That's all I have to say. Bye.

Did I mention my hair's pink?

Wow. I feel like thirty years has past in the last three days. I have magenta hair now. By the way. Lol. Vrai did it (cuz shes awesome like that) lol. And I feel a lot better about a lot of things. I'm realizing now that I don't need someone to ask me if I'm okay to know that I am or am not okay. And that as much as I would love someone for two seconds to atleast humor me and make sure I am in fact okay, I don't need someone to do it. That's a good feeling. Cause you know what, there are people in the world that do need that. I'll talk more tomorrow, I'm watching a thing on VH1 about women of the sunset strip and how important they were to developing hair metal. So expect some male-bashing comments tomorrow lol. Later.

One (New Song)

You're stuck in my head, like a song that I can't get out
(woah, woah, woah, woah, woah)
I can say over and over that I'm fine but I'm sure are doubts
(woah, woah, woah, woah,woah)

C-Cause the one that you want
And the one you can't ahve are one and the same
And you know it, you KNOW it
Its ripping up your head, tearing up your heart
And your breaking down,
BREAKING DOWN,
you're torn again
Cause there is only one

I feel that without I might break
(woah, woah,woah,woah,woah)
But being with you baby, is so much more than I can take
(woah,woah,woah,woah,woah)
There's a pretty thin line
Between love and hate
And I'm crossing
At too fast a rate
Going outta control
Youre taking youre toll
They always said this would happen to me

C-Cause the one that you want
And the one you can't have
Are one and the same
And you know it
you KNOW it
It's ripping up your head, tearing up your heart,
And youre breaking down
BREAKING DOWN
You're torn again
Cause there is only one

You're
Riding the line
Skies are falling down
You're laying on the floor
Your love was once so pure
Now it can't be found
And you doubt it's very existence

C- Cause the one that you want
And the one you can't have
Are ONE AND THE SAME
And you know it
KNOW IT KNOW IT
It's ripping up your head, tearing up your heart and
Your breaking
BREAKING
BREAKING
DOWN
Cause there is only one...

I would never wish bad things, but I don't wish you well.

Alright then. I'm proud of myself. I feel good almost. Day 1 of spring break and it's starting off nicely I think. Last night I said somethings that I probably shouldn't. I don't understand why I can't leave things in my head. But it's okay. This person had a somewhat common belief on the subject and it went over decently, but still. I mean, those things needed to be said I guess. I mean, I wanted to say them, but I know I never will actually SAY them. Listening to Panama again. I love the bridge part. I'm not really the biggest fan, the lyrics are rather sexual but, I love how the guitar goes at this part. I bit my nail. And it was so not my fault. Ok. It was. But still. I was driven. Got to go, wanna go sing.

Awesome song lyrics-- to be continued

1) I'm giving up on love, cause loves giving up on me. --Kerosene, Miranda Lambert.
2) I bet you think this song is about you. --You're So Vain, Carly Simon
3) And the cops chased us again. --All Again For You, We The Kings
4) Now that it's coming clear, I don't need you here. --Gone Forever, Three Days Grace
5) Like a bat outta hell I'll be gone when the moening comes. --Bat Outta Hell, Meatloaf
6) Falling in love is so hard on the knees. --Fallin in love, Aerosmith
7) I sold my soul for a one night stand. --Sunshine, Aerosmith
8) We are fire inside, we are lipstick and cleats. Here's to the girls whose fingerls bleed from playing guitar. --Anthem, Superchick.
9)I'm going home gonna load my shotgun, wait by the door and light a cigarette, he wants a fight well now he's got one, and he ain't seen me crazy yet. He slapped my face and shook me like a ragdoll. Don't that sound like a real man? I'ma show him what little girls are made of, gunpowder and lead. --Gunpowder and Lead, Miranda Lambert
10) They'll stand up at the alter and solemnly swear I do, and theyll be together forever until they find somebody new. --Dearly Beloved, Faith Hill
11) One bourbon, one scotch, one beer. --One bourbon, one scotch, one beer, Jimmy Witherspoon
12)Nice day for a white wedding. --White Wedding, Billy Idol.
13) Don't go away mad, just go away. --Go Away Mad, Motley Crue

You know I got it. So come and get it.

Wow. My back is in like enormous pain. And spit is officially the second best game, (next to poker), and yay band practice tmr!

I'm all tangled up...I can't help myself.

You know what? Why is this important? It's important because as a matter of fact, I care. And you know what else? I like these "ridiculous" earrings. Go stratch your ass mf. Now I forget what I was coming on here to say. Thans a lot.

Anger.

Anger is some thing you get from blaiming other people. You blame them for your frustration. For the emptiness you feel. For your tears. I hate DOING THIS. Other people DO NOT live like this. In the twenty minutes my mom and brother had a screaming match over studying, they could have studied everything together. It sucks. But I know that other people do not live like this. I'm deleting this the very second I get home tomorrow. I'm doing so good. I'm happy. But I'm not mad. I'm not mad at them. I'm just scared. Of what this means. Of what eveyrthing means. Anger is not something spreadable. You bring it on yourself by blaming other people.

Don't blink cause I won't be around...

I just did possibly the second best graffiti I've ever done in my life. Working on a new song, with a new concept, and a new style of writing. It's cool. I'll kepp posting on how it's working out. Um. What else? I've eaten enough cookie dough, for like....five people. And...tweaked my cookie recipe a tiny bit. I feel....reinvented. I guess. But I'm not really. Lol, I'm like that Christina Aguilera album, "Back To The Basics." Lmao. Don't know where that came from. I'm actually listening to Toby Keith right now. Some of his early stuff. I miss that stuff. My musical horizons are very much expanded, but sometimes, you just gotta stick to your first love. So wonderfully happy cause guess what? Tomorrow is friday, and that means singing lessons! Yay! I can't wait. And you know...the weekends always nice lol. I have to think of something crazy to do this weekend. Something inane. Don't ask me why, but mostly when I think of crazy I think of like....dying my hair or something. So I'm thinking, I call in reinforcements, head to the mall, go see Kae and tell her to surprise my mom. Like, suprise her, like, when she comes to get me I'm a platinim blonde. Okay no...not blonde. I look enough like a soccer mom with a long "Posh-Spice" thing going on....But you know what I'm talking about. I'm bored. Bored with myself. And...that's no fun lol. Also...I'm trying to work out a first practice this weekend....trying to think how it could work. Vrai I don't think could make it, but me, Jay, and Aimez could work something out. I hope. La. La. La. La. La. La. La. La. La. La.

Don't let me stop you...

Like....hi. How are you? I'm fine thanks. Thats an awesome conversation. Right? Right. That's what I thought lmao. Some people think so. I don't really. So...if thats how youre conversations are doomed to be with someone, why bother? Why put yourself through that? LOL. Anyway....i dont care that much. I really really dont. And people can believe me or not believe me. I'm fine with that. lol. Yes. There is in fact a band. A band of aimez on keyboards...jay on guitar....gab on drums....and me singing. Its an awesome band and is in fact gonna kick tom and rizzi's "monkey band" because....they are not awesome and i am in fact insulted that chris and tom did not wanna be in a band with me. Anyway....i've been writing a lot of angry music lately, and not sleeping. i'm really tired. Like.....reeeeeally tired.

Any moment. Everything can change.

Alright. It feels like I haven't posted in awhile. Maybe I have. I don't really know. I'll check later. I almost feel like a puppy lately. I can never tell how much time has passed or how much I have left. It's nauseating. Anyway, I have c/a homework to do on Buddy Holly, and I'm actually in the mood to watch La Bamba, but w/e. I feel better lately. Friday feels like it was a hundred years ago. But I know I'm not imagning things and I know I'm not crazy. I just got home from my brother's baseball practice and you know what? I talked to a very nice old man there who somehow in god's name knew what I am going through and had some vague idea of what I was talking about. Which is really strange. But he was nice. Somethings in life you're just better off without. Cigarettes are one of them. MY LOVE MY LOVE I thought I picked you from a crowd, but now, you're nothing I can't live without......"Half The Girl"

Keep your thing in your pants and your heart on your sleeve!

Wow...no comment on the basketball game. I had a couple of rough moments there. But it was a lot of fun. I guess. Anyway. Still didn't talk to anyone. I'm sposed to go to the movies with my mom and brothers in a little while though, so maybe I'll talk to someone there. I'm in love with Kelly Clarkson's new songs on "All I Ever Wanted." Just thought you should know. And thanks to Christina I'm like a thousand percent better singer than I have ever been--and it doesn't hurt. Which feels awesome. Um...I'm gonna go. I have a lot more to say but so little time. OH NO .... I do not hook up UP. I go slow!

See ya then...

People suck. It's like a vortex of soul-eating monsters. I need to get out of here. Things feel so wrong. And aww...I didnt talk to anyone today. It's okay though. I need no one. Honestly. I'm fine. Drama-free, and fine. I have singing tonight though, yay. And of course the basketball game. Which no one knows when it ends. But that's okay. Tonight will be fun. Later.

Forgetting everything between our rise and fall...

Hmm....talked to that kid again. This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. But he keeps asking me all these personal questions. Like who I like, if I'm a prude. I'm like....um. And then of course, I stumble through most of the conversation because it's based on something I dont really know much about or how to explain- me. So he probably thinks I'm like, the most uneducated person ever but ah well...he hasnt stopped talking to me yet. Well see how this goes. I'll keep posting.

Don't explain....Cause I know exactly what you're going to say...

BIG WORDS, RECYCLED PHRASES AND THE BITTERSWEET TASTE OF ALL THE WORD IS ON YOUR LIPS.
Kay...sorry about that. Tai. Alright. Im at school. In Social Studies. Feeling kinda downa and potic. GTG. Vrai's sending me a website so I have to check my emails. Ttyl.

Keep my eyes on him? What does that even mean dude?

I'm sick of this shit. Emotional yo-yos are so fucking overrated. Get your act together and pick a side of you you'd like me to see. And not the one you've been showing me lately. This state is not pretty. I never said I was nice.

Only started with a little kiss like this....

Alright well...last play tonight. Which makes me happy and sad. And guess what? You are now reading the blog of the newest social butterfly on the block. There's a kid on my bus that i finally talked to today. And he talked back! We had like...a twenty second conversation but, it was really cool. Cause, in my head i heard me talking to him, and then I just like....did it. Oh and by the way, I never really heard anyone describe a relationship as "nice" before lol. Especially a guy but he was "nice." Lmao....I'm gonna go dance now. Bye bye.

That don't impress me much...

I'll try and keep it brief today. I've been learning a lot lately though. A lot about people and a lot about myself, too. Apparently, things are never really what they seem like and when something feels wrong, it usually is wrong. Now, I am truly speaking from experience here. A lot of things are wrong. And somethings feel wrong right now. My mind is a mess. So, please forgive me. This blog is sort of acting like a cleaning lady right now.I'm just wondering about a lot of things. And you know what else? It's not just about getting through the day anymore. I'm singing like I'm drunk at lunch and I'm dancing in the mall and I'm having a good time. See that? Pretend something long enough and things fall into place I guess. That don't impress me much. So ya think you got the moves but do you got the touch? Whatever.

As I look the other way...

Ugh. Frustrated again.

Did you think I'm a dime a dance, well the dance is through!

Alright. I feel hungover again. But thats okay. And still, I have acheived this state without the use of actual alcohol. Yesterday was fun. (Minus the part where I really was like....wheezing to breathe because I was being carried by my friends just because I'd like to believe life is a musical and i actually CAN burst out in song in the middle of the mall---they did not think so) And hmm....today? I just finished this amazing book and anyone who knows what I'm talking about I'm fully moved up to like....a three because of this book. And then, I put some of my fondest memories in a box and I'm not entirely sure why. It just felt like the true and right thing to do. I don't know why I'm saying all this. Anyway...back to the book. This girl is my hero. She went from being spineless to asserting herself and eventually getting what she wanted. Granted, the odds were in her favor, (in a way), and its a book, shes the heroine shes sposed to get what she worked for. Maybe life can be like books. Only, I'm not sure what I'm trying to assert myself in. Anyway..I have cleaning to do. I actually have like....a cleaning pet-peeve. I need the stairs to be polished. Like...I dont just need them to be clean. I need them to be like. Slippery clean. Which terrifies me. I'm not doing the stairs for awhile...like maybe a month. But i know its gonna annoy the hell outta me whenever I go up or downstairs lol. I gtg. Ttyl.

Hello, my darling...

I've been thinking lately. About what? Your probably sitting there wondering. I'm reading a very interesting book. I wont really go into details, but this kid volunteers at a nursing home and sits with a really nasty old man 2-3 days a week. Ok, look. I'm not that stupid. I've learned by now things do not happen like they do in books. But I'm thinking about giving it a try. I mean...I have music right? SOMEONE in a nursing home has to be interested in music. I could sing or play something simple on bass. Community service could be just what I'm looking for do with my time. And besides, I could sing without getting yelled at, which is ultimately what happens in my house. and btw--saw "grease!" today for the first time, and I may have limited taste or probably not even sufficient qualifications to have an opinion on any kind of musical besides the fact that i wish my life was one, but sincerely enjoyed the is75 production of grease. Props to Mrs. Stine and the entire drama class, even if I really do think she has something shoved way too far up her ass. And hmm....what else? nothing. nite.

Now you're burning by the side of the road!

Alright. Today was pretty boring. And now I'm pretty bored. It's so nice out but I'm not sure if I wanna ride my bike right now. I wanna just scream my brains out. And no ones home. So I can do that. Yay! I'm gonna go scream and probably record Arizona by Hey Monday. Great song check it out!

Romeo save me, I've been so alone....

Ok....yeah. Hi. You know? The subject of conversation that I most want to avoid comes up the most. Mr.Murphy would say its quite ironic. But I think its sad. Well....I'm sitting in social studies after school and it just occured to me. Not everyone responds well to abuse. Communication only works if both ends are willing to give and receive. I'm failing in about every area of communication. Thank god its not a class cause it would totally kill my overall average. And that would not be good. At all. This is gonna sound totally wrong but I'm so completely frustrated.

I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well...

Isnt it amazing how some songs just put you in a better mood? I had a crap day and I have my youtube playlist on shuffle, reading a really good book with my headphones on, and Broken by Seether and Amy just came on and now I kinda feel....great. But, I know people arent going to read this. They shouldnt. They should have plenty of other things to do. Cause I'm Broken, when I'm lonesome...

Reminded Of Blue Denim

No one has been posting so I feel like a pathetic loser. Its not that I have nothing to do with my time. I do a lot of other stuff. I just think it's important I come on here and tell the world what I like, hate, and love about being a teenager. (Sarcastic) I dont know why I come on here. I just do. So, hi! Today sucked. Totally totally sucked. People are funny though. A girl I havent talked to in three years (to date) provided me with most of my day's entertainment. But, to anyone who knows what is going on, I guess I shouldnt really find this that funny. I guess I'm just not one of those girls that freaks out over things like this. But you know what's worst? I knew that girl. We were like, best friends, and now she has a total disregard for me. As Alexa would say, "stupid slut." I'll talk more later. Later.

Say, is that rain or are they tears?

Seven Sad Facts Of Life--
1) People want only what they think they cannot have.
2) Guns and Roses was revolutionary and never shall be again.
3) People always say enjoy your childhood blahblahblah, but it has been confirmed that being an adult is more fun.
4) As our obesity rates go up, so do our hunger rates.
5) Some people find happiness in doing the wrong thing.
6) We fight for peace and die for our freedom.
and lastly...
7) When people are smiling, you never really know what they are thinking. Even when you think you do.

I'm sorry...I'm still learning how to speak priss...

LOL. Hi. Apparently I have a twitter now. So....theres ur update. And...the power of the holy spirit is consuming my soul as we speak. Now btw I have the smell of lemons AND the weird-smelling oil he rubbed ALL OVER my head. But. Lately I've been blaming my excitedness on wearing my awesome dress and amazing shoes...but...honestly and truely I was excited about the ceremony too. Kinda disappointed about my turnout of a party tho lol My aunt, uncle, cousin, grandpa, and his girlfriend attended. We breifly ate cake and then everyone left, thus leaving me alone and vulberable to vrai's famous phone-calls of..."hey. you wanna do something?" so i went over her house and watched syndey white and posted a video of myself reacting to dave days for the first time. i dont recomend it. all you do is make weird faces. anyway...im not gonna get all deep and confusing on here tonight. other people can deal with it tonight. love me, hate me, say what you want about me, all of the boys and all of the girls, are begging to if you seek amy...

Girl Next Door

Small town homecoming queen
She's the star in this scene
There's no way to deny she's lovely
Perfect skin, perfect hair
Perfumed hearts everywhere
Tell myself that inside she's ugly
Maybe I'm just jealous
I can't help but hate her
Secretly I wonder if my boyfriend wants to date her
She is the prom queen
I'm in the marching band
She is a cheerleader
I'm sitting in the stands
She gets the top bunk
I'm sleeping on the floor
She's Miss America and I'm just the girl next door
Senior class president
She must be heaven sent
She was never the last one standing
A backseat debutante
Everything that you want
Never to harsh or too demanding
Maybe I'll admit itI'm a little bitter
Everybody loves her but I just wanna hit her
She is the prom queen
I'm in the marching band
She is a cheerleader
I'm sitting in the stands
She gets the top bunk
I'm sleeping on the floor
She's Miss America and I'm just the girl next door
Oh and I'm just the girl next door
I don't know why I'm feeling sorry for myself
I spend all my time wishing that I was someone else
She is the prom queen
I'm in the marching band
She is a cheerleader
I'm sitting in the stands
I get a little bit, she gets a little more
She's Miss America and... she's Miss AmericaI'm just the girl next door...

When Both Boy and Girl Start Shaking Inside...

Evil plans to be revealed....Dont stop now.

Talk About Something You Can Sure Understand...

I dont know why. But in the morning, walking into the auditorium, I feel like I can feel every eye on me. Like I'm on some type of display. Dont ask. I'm weird. Hmm....apparently I'm a passing ship again, LMAO....srry lol hi. You know how cruel people are to animals being tested on? Its disgusting that we do this to living things that dont know any better. We should be ashamed. I'm like...getting nauseous from the smell of sharpie. I'm doing this pretty cool grafitti thing that I might cut out actually cuz i think it would look even awesomer cut out. But I should've picked better words. Anyway...I polished the stairs, coffee table, and chairs. And I loaded the dishwasher and put away the groceries. Dylan hit me but it only hurt for a couple of minutes he wasn't really trying. I really want people to come over saturday. Whixh explains the cleaning obsession. I'm kinda proud of myself. Which is strange. Lol. So many things I wanna say. Oh god. I make the worst guy in the world. Writing this book about this girl and this guy, but all my guy parts come out extremely lame and I dont like them. At All. GTG. Ttyl.

I hope you heard this song. And it pissed ya off.

Watching Wifeswap. This woman is literally a slave to her husband. Its disgusting. And she thinks this is how it should be. Which is worse. And just finished watching a movie, When Husbands Cheat. BEST MOVIE EVER. GO TO BLOCKBUSTER RIGHT NOW. This woman is strong and powerful and independent, and allows herself to be broken as a mother and wife. Its amazing. Watch it. HELP. I need a slightly controversial yet school appropriate topic to write a persuasive essay on. Got to go. I think I'm gonna be sick watching this woman be a wife. Later.

Hearts, Heads, and Drummers

Alright. I promise I'm sane now. (You're probly going, yeah right.) But really. I've calmed down a lot in the last few hours. Its amazing what happens when you realize things. I'm so confused. It's great. Oh, I'm sorry....did I say sane? I meant INsane....Anyway....hmm...yesterday I watched "Metallica: Some Kind Of Monster" and let me tell you....anyone that can watch it should because its fucking amazing. I learned so much from it and it made me like Metallica a million times more. I need to make a public note of this that I give Lars a lot of credit. I admit that I didn't really think drummers had much of input to like....the financials of a band. NOTE: This is nothings against drummers. I love drummers. I'm dating a drummer and my best friend is a drummer. But, let me explain. They are SPECIAL people and NOT JUST drummers. So....drummers everywhere I owe you a huge apology because of my prejudice. Oh God...I'm gonna stop ranting about drummers now. You what are such funny things? Hearts. Hearts are such funny things. They make you do INsane things....conciously. And think INsane thoughts....and....hearts are funny. Heads however, I'm not very fond of. They get in the way too often. Hearts dont care whats practical or logical. They do what they do best. Impulse. Reaction. Emotion. Heads are different. They ONLY deal with logical and practical. I must admit. I'm torn often. Good night.

Bucket List

Ok....so this weekend SUCKED. with a capital S-U-C-K-E-D. but this weekend has hope. i make my confirmation on sat. (goes whoo-hoo for dress and shoes!) And yeah....so I'm bored. So. TOP FIVE THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE: 1) Complete a book I actually like and think other people would like. 2) Duet with Joan Jett or Nancy Wilson. (Yeah fucking right) 3) See my grandchildren graduate kindergarten, (thus implying i have/had a husband and son/daughter. 4) Have a career which I enjoy. (i.e. lately ive been thinking about singing...i could always write during the day and just do nightclubs or something you know?) and lastly......5) Get over my fears and acheive self-actualization. (Once again....yeah fucking right....but hey, why dream if youre not going to dream big)....I'll post later on something normal if i feel like it......If you wanna get down....down on the ground....cocaine.

Me

Ok...you know what? Fuck everything. I'm confused. Let's go through what I know about myself: I can be loud. I can be deadly silent. I can be embarassing and more often than not I'm embarrassed. My cheeks get hot and my hands are always sweaty. I make stupid attempts at conversation with people who dont seem to wanna converse. And I dont know how to make an effort with people that do want to. I have a jealous streak and I can be a bitch. Then again, I can be really sincere and loving to those who love me. Sometimes i try to be something I'm not just because it looks appealing. Sometimes I do stupid things. Today was the closest I've ever came to death. I piss my mom off a lot. My best friend can be abusive. I have a few nasty habits like biting my nails and lying. I go to church on sundays. I was a premature baby. If I'm commited, I'll do anything. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted and what I needed but I dont know. I think I might actually like not knowing anything. Its comfortable and definetly better than knowing the truth. Guess what? I'm a weirdo. Good night.

I'm so far from where i need to be...i'm giving up on faith on everything....

Ok. rough week. rough day. i hate ppl. and not just guys. girls too because you know? girls know exactly when they suck and they just dont care. that makes them suck more than guys cuz usually there just oblivious. grr. bye.

Selfish....

I'm really selfish. Is it sad if you know it? You know...I shouldnt write about things I dont know about. And I'm really pissed right now. And really selfish but you know what? I dont care. I dont care anymore if people think I'm crazy. Why cant I get over myself? I dont understand what could possibly be holding me back. I'll post later when I'm having rational thoughts and am not as pissy as aimez would say.

All You Have To Is Hold Me.....

Alright. We're in school. I have a really bad urge to do something right now. I can't exactly say what it is, or give any details actually. But....I think I'm gonna do something crazy today. Well...not crazy. I'm just gonna get over something. Gtg....the bells gonna ring I think.

Continued....

Where was I? Five? Ithink....
#5)When they're hot, they know they're hot.
#6)They gossip! (Go ahead....deny this, I dare you....But inside you know you do)
#7) They have exactly no sense of personal space.
#8) They know how to make enemies. 'Nough said.
#9) When theres food around...their minds are hard to distract.
#10) However...without food, they are easily distracted.
#11) Can be stealthy when desired to be. Dont ask.
#12) Lose their grip when snagged by parents.
#13) Have total one-track minds.
#14) They don't know when to keep it down. And don't get dirty. I mean their voices.
#15) Even though they usually have some kind of "alpha" they ARE capable of thinking for themselves when they want to.
#16) They screw up just like girls.
mmm..im tired of changing the font and stuff...
#17) Boys are moody. Like PMS moody.
#18) Boys are fickle.
#19) They're hard to read. But we all knew that.
#20) They CAN be counted on. (Certain ones....)
#21) Sometimes they tell you how they really feel. Sometimes you just have to be the right person, at the right place, at the right time.
#22) Some of them suck sometimes. And I mean it.
#23) Have immature ways of making their points.
#24) Can chill you out with just the sound of their voices. (Certain ones...)
#25) They are vulnerable. Especially the jerks.
#26) Dont know when to call a damn truce. Especially the jerks.
#27) They make absolutely no sense. Especially when you think you have them figured out.
#28) They are unpredictable. Which is one of the best and worst things about them.
And finally...
#29) They dont suck. And even though this was based on a book by Kate Brian...I think it might actually apply to real life very nicely.

Theory On Guys....

FIRST NOTE: THIS IS BASED MOSTLY ON BOOK RESEARCH! SOME OF IT IS FROM ACTUAL DEALINGS WITH GUYS, BUT NOT MOST OF IT. OK? OKAY.
So....Observation #1) Guys can be sensitive and cliquey. like seriously...
#2) Most of them try to be decent. I didnt say succeed. I said try.
#3) They have feelings and they get hurt. They hold grudges.
#4) Sometimes....they have uncontrollable urges...and im not talking about taking care of themselves...I mean like...instincts.


I gtg....but i have so many more observations....book based of course....but observations still...Nite.

Maybe...

Excuses are stupid. In any situation. I'm confusing as hell. I'm a little proud of that. Listen to Maybe by Kelly Clarkson. I've never identified myself so much with a song written by someone else in my lifetime.

Why play a game you can't win?

There are so many levels on which a person's actual being resides on. How deep do we all go? Complexity almost always looks simple, and the easy things usually turn out to be the hardest, in my opinion. Why play a game you cant win?

Tell me you'll remember!

I feel like shit. And I feel amazing. At exactly the same time. I feel like I'm contemplating freedom or something. If this was a play, comic relief would help. Like, right now. But no one in the audience would laugh. Cause it wouldn't be a good joke. But the effort would be acknowledged. Happiness is that hard to object. It's like laughter. It totally eats at you. Even when you kinda just wanna cry. I'm happy. It feels good.

Gtg

I am really confused. About a lot of things...*pout*

I'm Happy, and I know that makes you mad!

Alrighty..now that I got the whole..."if you dont like me, or my decisions, piss the fuck off" thing out of my system, I can talk about all the good things that happened today...Ok...1) A lexis brought her ipod on the bus....yay! I get to listen to nirvana and scars on the way to school...and pink too if her mom wouldve left early....2)Mrs.chan DIDNT call my house...yay! 3)told mr.reinhold to eat shit....(in a way) lmao...4)actually used my mouth today to stand up to ppl.....read previous post ;) 5)kissed my bf (!) (who happens to have rly nice eyes...) (please no one crucify me for that comment....i had to) 6) told mr.reinhold to eat shit again (in a way) bc my private life is no longer an affair of his 7) Knew almost every song for confirmation already...bc i enjoy going to church! and...8) i got a phone card so i can actually use my phone!
its so weird...when u least expect it...things get better...or maybe they dnt...im still failing math...still doing some stupid things...still mostly thinking before i talk...but im getting over these stupid little things...that to other ppl would b normal to get over...they wouldnt even think about it...and now...without even truly realizing it...im getting over them too...

Special Notice!

Ok...if you have called me stupid in the last twenty four hours, please do me a favor and smack yourself for me. Thnx. If you havent noticed, I dont really care what you think or say actually. Cuz nothing I ever say is gonna change your mind. And nothing you ever say is gonna change mine. So KEEP YOUR OPINIONS ABOUT HOW I'M RETARDED TO YOURSELF. I dont wanna hear it. Thnx.

Do you believe in magic?

On account of my eyes, this is the last time I will say they are open and then I shall say no more. They are open. Hmm...I've been thinking about a lot of random things lately: 1) I'd be less afraid if I got locked in a room with a tiger than if I got locked in a room with a mouse. 2) I actually like the color pink in moderation. 3) I miss having long hair a little. 4) As a mother and a wife I wouldn't put up with as much shit as my mom does. 5) People say I look innocent, but I'm pretty sure I'm a grade-a pain in the ass sometimes. 6) Apparently, I'm not a bad friend, tho. And that's it for today. But there's one thing I don't understand. Some people, can totally DO confident. I, am not one of them. Most people when their confident, their loud and sure of themselves. When I'm loud, usually I just cant control myself. Im not being confident, I dont know what I'm being. Anyway...I've been pretty happy lately. Kinda floaty actually which is cool. But I'm not exactly sure why. And, I think about moving away to some isolated island, never having to deal with people again, but last night something new resurfaced. I might get lonely. And let's face it. As much as none of us will ever admit to it, we all need a little drama. Something to prove to us that we are in fact, living and breathing, and we matter.......see ya.

I'm sorry but the party's over!

Cocaine nose, trendy clothes, gotta send her to rehab! Throwing a fit, making a scene, like no tomorrow! K hi sorry....Well...it's 2:30 and iv been up for about 8 hours. Alex got fourth place in her cheerleading competition they really werent bad. I have the worst cramps iv ever had in my entire life. School tomorrow CANT WAIT!!!! jk....i mean like...i miss seeing ppl and i rly want my book back...but thats about it...and sci...too....i miss science. but thats it. maybe ill have more to say later. later.

I still have my moments, baby!

Yay! I can use the enter button when blogging from now on. Idk why I couldnt do it before, but I can now. MY EYES ARE OPEN!!! END OF DISCUSSION!!! Moving on: Hmmm....I dont really have anything to say other than I have to be up at like 5 tomorrow and....I'm still confused lol. I dont really know why I'm even posting this because I dont have anything to say. Nite!

Baby, THATS JUST ME!

Alright then....This week has been interesting. I said so many things. Including yes. So the Riddler and I are back together. Last night, I was unsure. You know? NO OFFENSE TO SAID RIDDLER but guys are flaky. So walking into singing biting my lip and holding my tongue was worth it though. I get in there and Christina's like, "He's happy you guys are back together. Every girl deserves someone who cares about her, and he definitely does." So...that makes everyone that wants to kill me for those three little letters disappear. And believe me, that's a lot of people. I think my eyes are open though. I honestly don't know. And yeah....last night was okay. I still like the Little Mermaid better, but the Lion King wasn't bad. I've seen enough guys in beige leotards and dresses for awhile though. I must admit. So that's it I guess. For now. I feel like there's a lot to say and so little time and space.

Wow

Today was honestly the first time I felt completely like shit in a while. Distractions are nice tho. Like hiding in Gab's Aunt Kathy's kitchen behinds who knows how many different kinds of frosting. Hanging out with Gab and her family was a lotta fun. I wish I could've actually enjoyed it a little more tho. Making of video of me singing was fun too. Check it out if you're not too busy. It took me forever to upload it. I made a list of songs I'm gonna attempt to sing and tomorrow I'll take a look at the list and probly sing a couple. I'm not that good, but I dont murder songs too horribly if I pick the right song. Ok well...its 12 o clock. I'm going to cry everything from today off. And then probably play a little solitaire to Guns and Roses, (before they sucked in Chinese Democracy, I'll be listening to the good OLD GnR thnk you very much) NITE......

Me singing.....the first of a course of experimental videos of me doing cover songs

Photobucket Album