Best Friends and Too Much Reading

I’m just gonna talk here, if that’s okay? Over the past couple years I’ve tried to learn stuff about people, and especially myself, and this blog has been an extremely useful tool for that. I just finished a really good book called the Secret Life of Prince Charming and really. It was mostly about ex boyfriends and how bad guys are for you and how there are a lot of assholes. But, as a heterosexual female, the book also spoke to me directly. You wouldn’t have half as many bad memories of assholes if you didn’t spend so much time with them. No one even reads this so I’m gonna include a personal anecdote. …Two? Two years ago, more or less, I think, I had this best friend. I mean, we kissed and did the whole, we’re twelve but I love you thing, and it was so real for me, but he was always my best friend first you know? And then when he wasn’t anymore, when he acted more like my boyfriend, I thought I had to act more like his girlfriend. And that never really felt right. And then one day my best friend starting avoiding me, and I started feeling relieved and I HATED that. So I thought maybe the more I missed him, the sooner he’d come back and be normal. Either  I didn’t miss him enough, or that didn’t work. (And believe me, I missed him a lot) And now I don’t hate that sense of relief when he avoided me. I’m thankful for it. It should have been a signal something was wrong, and it was. I just chose to ignore that for a long time. And that was so stupid. Because it prevented me from getting closer to someone else, a new best friend. One that’s my best friend today. And who knows what’ll happen with us. I could write a blog about him in two years, but there’s only one thing I hope. I hope I don’t say similar things. They were both great guys, though. To me anyways. Who even knows if I knew/know the real them. Who even knows if real people exist. But I at least want to learn from myself. From the ways that I suspended my own loneliness out of patience. And even now how I let fear keep me out of things. But hey. That’s what best friends are for, right?

Somewhere Someway

Somewhere people love you,

It’s not that far away.

I don’t join the masses, though,

Don’t look for my face,

Though I wish you would.

 

Somewhere there’s a heart for you,

That’s why I haveta go.

I know that you’re farsighted

You don’t say when I stand too close,

Though I wish you would.

 

Somewhere it’s not strange for you,

To always wear a smile.

I live there in my day dreams,

You never ask me where I go those times.

Though I wish you would.

 

Somewhere, somewhere, somewhere,

Someway we’ll get out of here.

I’ll take you somewhere, somewhere, somewhere,

Someway.

What Kind

I see that girl,

I feel so bad for her,

She treats you like her world,

She looks so familiar.

This can’t be myself,

Falling back to you,

It’s gotta be somebody else,

Someone who never knew.

 

What kind of hell,

You are for a heart.

What kind of hell

You are for a heart.

Like mine.

 

I see that girl,

The one that you talk to,

Only when it’s dark in your world,

And she’s got a candle.

This can’t be myself,

Falling back to you,

It’s gotta be somebody else,

Someone who never knew.

 

What kind of hell,

You are for a heart.

What kind of hell

You are for a heart.

Like mine.

 

Falling back to you…

Falling back,

Falling back.

Right back into you…

What kind of hell,

You are for a heart.

What kind of hell

You are for a heart.

Like mine.

 

What kind of hell,

What kind of hell,

What kind of girl falls back to that.

The kind like mine.

What kind of hell,

You are for a heart.

What kind of hell

You are for a heart.

Like mine.

It Gets Better

You keep your blind fold on,

Somethings you just don’t wanna see,

You just don’t need to see.

You keep your doors locked, just in case,

Blinds down, Cause everybody’s peeking in,

Everybody’s trying to see.

 

You’re learning everyday now,

Oh,

And it get’s better,

It get’s better,

Without you trying so hard to be,

What they wanna see,

What they wanna see,

Your learning everyday, now,

Oh.

 

You keep their blindfold on,

CAuse you know somethings are to know,

Harder to see, yes,

So?

Underneath that darkened sky,

You keep your eyes wide open,

Waiting to see the sun.

But yes. So what?

 

You’re learning everyday now,

Oh,

And it get’s better,

It get’s better,

Without you trying so hard to be,

What they wanna see,

What they wanna see,

Your learning everyday, now,

Oh.

 

You’re learning everyday now,

Oh,

And it get’s better,

It get’s better,

Without you trying so hard to be,

What they wanna see,

What they wanna see,

Your learning everyday, now,

Oh.

Promise You

If my tongue betrays me

If my fears eat me alive

If my cross starts burning

Beneath this open sky

Then everything is lost

But I had things to lose

My silver lining’s beautiful

I bet it’s gray to you.

 

If I lose my balance

On the highest wire

If I forget my place

If it’s at the worst time

I’ll know I paid the price

But it was worth the cost

Of giving everything

Instead of giving up

 

Hope can save our lives

I’ll put my neck to that

Hope can save your life

I can promise that

My faith can promise that

 

If I wake up dead

In your broken arms

You’ll know we spent the night

Dreaming of eachother

It isnt much to hold on to

And there is much to fear

But what' goes on around us

Makes us love what goes on here

My silver lining’s beautiful

I bet it’s gray to you.

 

Hope can save our lives

I’ll put my neck to that

Hope can save your life

I can promise that

My faith can promise that

 

My faith can promise you that

It’s not so hard to believe

It’s not hard to see

My faith can promise you that

Memories

Join me in my

Circle of truth.

Here and only here,

I, will be honest with you.

You’re the only one I’d miss.

If it ever came to that.

Your memory would be too valuable to part with.

 

Join me in this

Hole I dug,

Of friendships gone, cause they never begun,

My hands wait to hold yours,

If it ever came to that.

Your memory would be too valuable to let go of.

 

Our escape,

My escape

From myself,

Somewhere into you.

Watch me now,

Teach me how,

To be as silently good as you.

 

Join me in my

Diary where

You grace every page,

Every single page,

And I know exactly how to make people see me.

If it ever came to that.

Your memory is too valuable to fade.

Halo

You expect me

To be the good girl,

Just like I’ve always been.

You look back at me,

When you run away,

I wonder where you’re going.

 

But tonight I feeling an aching,

Gonna get crazy.

 

Forgot my halo at home, oh oh oh.

Too far to run back and get it,

I’ll survive with out it, one night.

Forgot my halo at home, oh oh oh,

Can’t sleep without it,

So don’t make me sleep alone.

 

You were expecting

That charming rose bud,

My thorns are charming too.

I’m sure you’re taking,

All the pictures,

Remind me in the morning,

Ask me who I thought I was.

 

But tonight I feel an aching,

Gonna get crazy.

 

Forgot my halo at home, oh oh oh.

Too far to run back and get it,

I’ll survive with out it, one night.

Forgot my halo at home, oh oh oh,

Can’t sleep without it,

So don’t make me sleep alone.

 

Spoken:

I never do things like this.

I never do things like this.

 

Forgot my halo at home, oh oh oh.

Too far to run back and get it,

I’ll survive with out it, one night.

Forgot my halo at home, oh oh oh,

Can’t sleep without it,

So don’t make me sleep alone.

Here and Now

I can’t believe what I am saying

I hope your concience is as loud as mine

Here and now I am not breathing

The space between us is so suffocating

 

The clouds behind your eyes are fading

The thoughts behind them are

Finally singing to me

 

Here and now becomes a burden

To everything that I believe in

Spending hours never blinking

Ships in our minds, they keep on sinking

The waves of doubt are relentless

Here and now

 

Here and now this faith is dying

Reflect my truth in all your lies

Here and now, I could end tonight

 

What you said cannot be bigger than what you’ll never say

My kiss reaches lips,

My kiss reaches lips,

Concealing foreign tongues of emotion,

Warm to the touch of your skin,

The darker side of you is hiding in your head.

 

Here and now

I am not breathing,

Becomes a burden,

This faith is dying

Here and now