Me

Ok...you know what? Fuck everything. I'm confused. Let's go through what I know about myself: I can be loud. I can be deadly silent. I can be embarassing and more often than not I'm embarrassed. My cheeks get hot and my hands are always sweaty. I make stupid attempts at conversation with people who dont seem to wanna converse. And I dont know how to make an effort with people that do want to. I have a jealous streak and I can be a bitch. Then again, I can be really sincere and loving to those who love me. Sometimes i try to be something I'm not just because it looks appealing. Sometimes I do stupid things. Today was the closest I've ever came to death. I piss my mom off a lot. My best friend can be abusive. I have a few nasty habits like biting my nails and lying. I go to church on sundays. I was a premature baby. If I'm commited, I'll do anything. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted and what I needed but I dont know. I think I might actually like not knowing anything. Its comfortable and definetly better than knowing the truth. Guess what? I'm a weirdo. Good night.

I'm so far from where i need to be...i'm giving up on faith on everything....

Ok. rough week. rough day. i hate ppl. and not just guys. girls too because you know? girls know exactly when they suck and they just dont care. that makes them suck more than guys cuz usually there just oblivious. grr. bye.

Selfish....

I'm really selfish. Is it sad if you know it? You know...I shouldnt write about things I dont know about. And I'm really pissed right now. And really selfish but you know what? I dont care. I dont care anymore if people think I'm crazy. Why cant I get over myself? I dont understand what could possibly be holding me back. I'll post later when I'm having rational thoughts and am not as pissy as aimez would say.

All You Have To Is Hold Me.....

Alright. We're in school. I have a really bad urge to do something right now. I can't exactly say what it is, or give any details actually. But....I think I'm gonna do something crazy today. Well...not crazy. I'm just gonna get over something. Gtg....the bells gonna ring I think.

Continued....

Where was I? Five? Ithink....
#5)When they're hot, they know they're hot.
#6)They gossip! (Go ahead....deny this, I dare you....But inside you know you do)
#7) They have exactly no sense of personal space.
#8) They know how to make enemies. 'Nough said.
#9) When theres food around...their minds are hard to distract.
#10) However...without food, they are easily distracted.
#11) Can be stealthy when desired to be. Dont ask.
#12) Lose their grip when snagged by parents.
#13) Have total one-track minds.
#14) They don't know when to keep it down. And don't get dirty. I mean their voices.
#15) Even though they usually have some kind of "alpha" they ARE capable of thinking for themselves when they want to.
#16) They screw up just like girls.
mmm..im tired of changing the font and stuff...
#17) Boys are moody. Like PMS moody.
#18) Boys are fickle.
#19) They're hard to read. But we all knew that.
#20) They CAN be counted on. (Certain ones....)
#21) Sometimes they tell you how they really feel. Sometimes you just have to be the right person, at the right place, at the right time.
#22) Some of them suck sometimes. And I mean it.
#23) Have immature ways of making their points.
#24) Can chill you out with just the sound of their voices. (Certain ones...)
#25) They are vulnerable. Especially the jerks.
#26) Dont know when to call a damn truce. Especially the jerks.
#27) They make absolutely no sense. Especially when you think you have them figured out.
#28) They are unpredictable. Which is one of the best and worst things about them.
And finally...
#29) They dont suck. And even though this was based on a book by Kate Brian...I think it might actually apply to real life very nicely.

Theory On Guys....

FIRST NOTE: THIS IS BASED MOSTLY ON BOOK RESEARCH! SOME OF IT IS FROM ACTUAL DEALINGS WITH GUYS, BUT NOT MOST OF IT. OK? OKAY.
So....Observation #1) Guys can be sensitive and cliquey. like seriously...
#2) Most of them try to be decent. I didnt say succeed. I said try.
#3) They have feelings and they get hurt. They hold grudges.
#4) Sometimes....they have uncontrollable urges...and im not talking about taking care of themselves...I mean like...instincts.


I gtg....but i have so many more observations....book based of course....but observations still...Nite.

Maybe...

Excuses are stupid. In any situation. I'm confusing as hell. I'm a little proud of that. Listen to Maybe by Kelly Clarkson. I've never identified myself so much with a song written by someone else in my lifetime.

Why play a game you can't win?

There are so many levels on which a person's actual being resides on. How deep do we all go? Complexity almost always looks simple, and the easy things usually turn out to be the hardest, in my opinion. Why play a game you cant win?