Rules and Exceptions

From now on, I dont check my phone. I'm not one of those girls anymore. I rave about independence but I dont truly know from experience what true independence is. Why in God's name do I torture myself? All the time? Guys are really overrated. Girls are just insane. They don't quite balance each other out, and I would love to say they do, but I dont think they do. I'm sick of cliches, you know? Everyone wants a happy ending, but we never quite trust ourselves with what we have. I dont believe ALL guys are made of crap. I think there are genuine ones out there. Then there are the ones who give you lines, and make you feel special. Those are the ones to watch out for. As we can see in He's Just Not That Into You.....the adoring husband turns out to be an asshole....the hopeless romantic ends up being chased and everything works well. Wake up call....everything the media tells us and movies and everything. Stories! That stuff isnt real. Its the exceptions....but what are the rules? I wish that there was like....some way to make everything go away. Everything real. Whatever "real" is today....whether it's Brett Micheals hooking up with a random chick he knows for three minutes on MTV, or whether its hooking up in the hallway with ur best friend of the opposite sex for three hours until the security guard cuts you off and makes you leave the building. Whatever "real" is. I want it to disappear. Just so i could know what isnt real. And be able to tell the difference. I'm sick of cliches. I'm not gonna wait around for someone to call me. Someone.....anyone......im independent. And no matter what some movie says or how some fairytale turns out. Life isnt like that. Unless.....ur an exception to the rule? I'm so confused......in some ways, I know I'm better than that. Better than what I'd been keeping up. Better than this. Better than this whiny little princess who got her parade ruined on. But. she was just enjoying her parade. It doesnt make sense to me. And obviously not to you, the reader, cause you have no idea just how complex the thought process in my brain really is. You have no idea what I'm really even talking about. It's really a beautiful thing when you thinka bout it. And then....its not so beautiful....cuz its like im in a little room all by myself and no matter how much you scream, no one here's you.

Questions

I dont understand. What is the problem with innocent questions? Important, innocent questions. I'll tell you what the problem is. The answers. The answers are not always innocent and not always true. Lol. I wanna start a band. My new found voice has new inspiration....vrai on drums....court on bass....aimez on keyboard....guitar tho? hmm...ill think. i prbly know a girl who plays guitar....ANYWAY....really....im so tired of everything and everyone. People dont seem to understand that comments on me and areas surrounding me are unwelcome. I just dont care if you think I suck. Is that so freaking hard to believe? Lol. And I'm being brave now. Using my actual voice and not being stupid about things this time. It's fun actually. And tiring. And scary. But fun too. But i dont wanna lose myself this time....i explained that. There are still so many questions.

Hungover

I knew that water tasted a little funky last night. Lmao jk. School dance last night, I will admit I did somethings that I regret. BUT it was totally fun at the time, and atleast i didnt hit on or TRY to hit on the dj who wasnt even that cute lol. But i had fun. There was literally like NO ONE there tho. But it was fun. And progess is amazing!!!!! I finally learned (a little) how to sing this high note and its HIIIIIIGGGGGHHHH and i finally, ok well.....Christina really was the one that made it happen, but she was like....that sounded really great and i was like....that FELT really great!!!! it was the most amazing thing iv ever felt in my entire existence. and yeah...i made tech. not stuy tho (id like to say to everyone that i told you so) but yeah....i rly hated tech but...my mom wants me to go there...and some of my friends are going there. i feel bad tho....cuz theres so many people that wanted this and i dont really care that much.....but...im being lectured for thinking like that. for feeling guilty when i achieve something. im working on controlling that. and thats really all im controlling. iv been trying to let myself go for more than a week now and it feels awesome i must admit. crazy as i fucking was last night.....i totally had a good time. and then this morning my mom goes....you look like ur hungover.....i was just like...thnx.

i forgot....

btw....does anyone know how many heartbreaks steven tyler went through in his lifetime? he writes the best hurt/love songs.....i love it....the man is ahmazing! lol i just said aHmazing....ew....gtg wash my brained.....bye

Truth

ok....today was....interesting lol....thats the only adj. i can use to describe it. anyway.....are there like...different levels of truth? like....1. being completely honest. 2.stretching the truth 3.not lying but avoiding the truth and then like....4.all out lying. i think thats how it goes.....my mind is so crazy over something that i cnt actually say cuz other ppl read this thing for some dumb reason cuz all i ever do is rant about something completely random.....or not......but....seriously there are a lot better blogs out there u should check out. later alligator.

Updates

lmao....today was so freaking weird. and like aimez said....this weekend was extremely productive....and if u are one of the girls to have not yet been enlightened by How A Bad Boy Can Be Good For A Girl then dont worry we are passing it around. mr.reinhold is so damn full of himself just cause he was right and i was wrong. he's not the world's best dad, husband or man, so i think he should get over himself. lmao....i just cracked up AGAIN about those kids in the schoolyard the other day...dont worry alina well get them one day. saucy boys!!!! lmao i think im actually enjoying mr.murphy's class now....cant wait for dance on friday!!! and thurs we get notices from SHSAT!!!! i wish paramore would put out a new cd already...."The Final Riot" is just a bunch of old stuff...i need new stuff!!!!! ttyl