Weirdness...Dont Expect Anything Else

So I'm doing this thing for Christina where I write down five good things about myself. Everyday. I'm kinda running outta things to write. I have ten so far. But its actually a lotta fun I recomend all bloggers out there to try it. And lets see....what else to say. Ok....so yesterday like Vrai, I had a movie day. Hmm....I watched, The Perfect Man, The Crow, Must Love Dogs, Cinderella Story, Another Cinderella Story, and I think thats it.....oh and i finally bought my Fearless cd. Im having these weird dreams......no need to comment lol. And I feel weird. Cause like, I'm excited all the time. And something will happen and Ill feel like shit. Like now. And in twenty seconds from now, Ill be dancing around my room.

Ok...I Lied....i swear I'm almost done....special post on feminism to addo!

Feminism has nothing to do with losing your virginity. I've been called a feminist.....admitted to being a feminist....w/e. Losing your virginty to a guy has nothing to do with anything. I think if he's ready, and you're ready, go for it. That doesnt have anything to do with women's rights. Rape is another story altogether. Virginty is one those things that has nothing to do with feminists. I believe most arguements start as misunderstandings. Without straight facts, you get twisted opinions. Feminism is the belief that in a sense, men and women are equal. Many people confuse the previous statement with, "Feminism is the belief that men and women are the SAME." Those are two different statements COMPLETELY. Men and women are different. Completely different. Doesnt mean both sexes cant be appreciated. That is what "feminism" is trying to say.

Oopsies....

I forgot....Happy V Day to all those believers....any excuse to receive chocolate is okay with me lol....kay rly ttyl!

Ha ha

Watched a good movie today. "The Perfect Man" lol. it was good. Fine, Aimez i'm caving.In my rush of confidence and w/e, I will go ice skating. On a condition tho. We totally have to start a band. Gotcha ;). Wrote another good song last nite and I passed out listening to my ipod. I have a question. Dreams do go away dont they? Like....I dont know. I kinda hope so. Lol....well Aimez had some interesting news to share with me on Friday...and...I kinda did know but I kinda didnt. Well...Idk... Btw to Aimez I forgot to ask if you made ur bus lol. But yeah....thanks for the info. Anyway....I dont know why, I'm like excited all the time. Its the weirdest thing ever. And my toes hurt. And its not from my shoes. I dont get it. Lol. W/e. And yeah. I have my black book to whoever diperi said had my book, they dont have the black one, so HA HA. I just finished painting. I dont know why. I'm not really good I just like doing it I guess. Been singing all day and I think I'm actually sick of hearing myself. And to the whole blog thing.....Re-reading my stuff. I sound like an asshole lol. Honestly. I swear I'm not always like this. THIS I SWEAR. lol....srry metallica...but yeah....I'm not always this arrogant and bitchy. But I'm weird lately. I'm a completely different person. And i dont know if shes here to stay, or who she is, but, I like her a little bit. Later...

Hmm....

Thinking a lot lately. Sorry to anyone who saw me glaring through big giant chanel glasses today. Sorry....I'm thinking about attitude and confidence lately. I have to admit, I did feel a little sexy. A tiny bit. And to last night....I think it would be easier if i just skipped ten years of my life and didnt deal with guys at all until im like 25. I swear honest to blog (cr vrai) that i couldnt breathe. Guys are such fucking assholes. They pick you apart at you're weakest moments and make you feel horrible for every word uttered. I mean, I really do feel bad, but still. C'mon man, could you pick a worse time? I doubt it. Anyway....I wrote an amazing song yesterday. I have never written anything so wonderfully me. It took only the good parts. And I actually liked it. Too bad I'm not posting it cause it is really good. But oh....you can dream lol. In less than three weeks, I have totally turned myself around. I'm louder, honest with myself, and....I dont know. I have clearer vision I guess would be the correct wording. Btw....mike...I dont know if I ever sent you my blog or anything....but I'm sorry. A little. And yeah...I called you an asshole. Cause you totally were one. (In the nicest sense of the word....but still) Totally proving my point...guys are nice but are total jerks sometimes. Night...I'm gonna go play my bass in my black patent leather heels and chanel glasses and too tight jeans and too low shirt. I am so proud of my fucking self. And really proud I just said that. Although, sucking in singing didnt feel good, and definetly not sexy lol. I almost cried. I totally murdered the song. And it was actually painful to keep singing. And oh my god....dress shopping should totally be a well-paying career. It's really tiring. Kay....ta ta for now.

Oh Fucking Please....

Fine...I'll admit it. I know nice guys. A lot of them actually. But...i know they can be jerks too. I know, everyone thinks I have this corrupted little mind thing....where i think girls should rule the world and blah blah blah. I'm not saying that. But...I AM saying that most of the time....guys are jerks. And yeah...the riddler is right...unless you've gone through the same situation and blah blah blah you cant really talk. And I agree, partly. Just because whatever you're going through is weird and stressful, doesnt mean you can be a jerk. And most of the time, guys are inconsiderate. And honestly, most of them think very highly of themselves. VERY highly of themselves. Say im controversial, call me a feminist....shut up already! MOST guys are not ALWAYS jerks....but MOST guys do think with their dicks A LOT. If you have a penis at this moment....take five freaking seconds to think if you said/did anything jerky today. Odds are...you can probly get one or two fingers to raise if you think hard enough. And yes....blame it on maturity. Blame it on hormones. Blame it on anything. Point of fact, guys are jerks sometimes.

I'm Gonna Try And Write This Entire Thing In Song Quotes Explaining How I Feel About Everything!!!!!

"I hope this was the last time, cause I'll never say no to you." "I know I'm not you're favorite record." "Am I sitting in a tin can?" "Far above the world?" "Just what do I see in you?" "I feel so alive" "You'll be waiting in vain. I'v got nothing for you to gain. I'm taking it slow and feeding my flame." "Suddenly I will play nice." "I wont soothe your pain." "I was punk. Now I'm just stupid and I'm awful." "I'm going through changes." "Hello there" "I cannot sleep." "When I think of all you're wasted time, I could cry." "I got up on the wrong side of life today." "My phone doesnt work cause its outta range." "You cant kick me down I'm already on the ground." "I just wanna scream and lose control." "I try to stay outta everybody's way." "I dont know who I'm sposed to be." "I'm hurt."

Song: Time

Open your eyes/where did you go/you've lost you're mind/atleast you know/theres not time for sadness theres no time for tears/its not like you didnt know/it's not like i cared/you broke yourself/i only watched the pieces fall/i watched you fall apart/it's not like you didnt know/its not like i cared/im tired of wasting my time/gotta keep moving on/theres no time/ no time for tears/its not like i didnt know you/its not like you really cared/ all you're wastd time/all your wasted heartache/theres no time/no time for this/ no time for you/ better things to do with my time/iv opened my eyes/i know where i am/i know where you went/i wasted my time/i was already gone/theres no time/no time for tears/its not like i didnt know you/its not like/I/didnt/ know.....

Rules and Exceptions

From now on, I dont check my phone. I'm not one of those girls anymore. I rave about independence but I dont truly know from experience what true independence is. Why in God's name do I torture myself? All the time? Guys are really overrated. Girls are just insane. They don't quite balance each other out, and I would love to say they do, but I dont think they do. I'm sick of cliches, you know? Everyone wants a happy ending, but we never quite trust ourselves with what we have. I dont believe ALL guys are made of crap. I think there are genuine ones out there. Then there are the ones who give you lines, and make you feel special. Those are the ones to watch out for. As we can see in He's Just Not That Into You.....the adoring husband turns out to be an asshole....the hopeless romantic ends up being chased and everything works well. Wake up call....everything the media tells us and movies and everything. Stories! That stuff isnt real. Its the exceptions....but what are the rules? I wish that there was like....some way to make everything go away. Everything real. Whatever "real" is today....whether it's Brett Micheals hooking up with a random chick he knows for three minutes on MTV, or whether its hooking up in the hallway with ur best friend of the opposite sex for three hours until the security guard cuts you off and makes you leave the building. Whatever "real" is. I want it to disappear. Just so i could know what isnt real. And be able to tell the difference. I'm sick of cliches. I'm not gonna wait around for someone to call me. Someone.....anyone......im independent. And no matter what some movie says or how some fairytale turns out. Life isnt like that. Unless.....ur an exception to the rule? I'm so confused......in some ways, I know I'm better than that. Better than what I'd been keeping up. Better than this. Better than this whiny little princess who got her parade ruined on. But. she was just enjoying her parade. It doesnt make sense to me. And obviously not to you, the reader, cause you have no idea just how complex the thought process in my brain really is. You have no idea what I'm really even talking about. It's really a beautiful thing when you thinka bout it. And then....its not so beautiful....cuz its like im in a little room all by myself and no matter how much you scream, no one here's you.

Questions

I dont understand. What is the problem with innocent questions? Important, innocent questions. I'll tell you what the problem is. The answers. The answers are not always innocent and not always true. Lol. I wanna start a band. My new found voice has new inspiration....vrai on drums....court on bass....aimez on keyboard....guitar tho? hmm...ill think. i prbly know a girl who plays guitar....ANYWAY....really....im so tired of everything and everyone. People dont seem to understand that comments on me and areas surrounding me are unwelcome. I just dont care if you think I suck. Is that so freaking hard to believe? Lol. And I'm being brave now. Using my actual voice and not being stupid about things this time. It's fun actually. And tiring. And scary. But fun too. But i dont wanna lose myself this time....i explained that. There are still so many questions.

Hungover

I knew that water tasted a little funky last night. Lmao jk. School dance last night, I will admit I did somethings that I regret. BUT it was totally fun at the time, and atleast i didnt hit on or TRY to hit on the dj who wasnt even that cute lol. But i had fun. There was literally like NO ONE there tho. But it was fun. And progess is amazing!!!!! I finally learned (a little) how to sing this high note and its HIIIIIIGGGGGHHHH and i finally, ok well.....Christina really was the one that made it happen, but she was like....that sounded really great and i was like....that FELT really great!!!! it was the most amazing thing iv ever felt in my entire existence. and yeah...i made tech. not stuy tho (id like to say to everyone that i told you so) but yeah....i rly hated tech but...my mom wants me to go there...and some of my friends are going there. i feel bad tho....cuz theres so many people that wanted this and i dont really care that much.....but...im being lectured for thinking like that. for feeling guilty when i achieve something. im working on controlling that. and thats really all im controlling. iv been trying to let myself go for more than a week now and it feels awesome i must admit. crazy as i fucking was last night.....i totally had a good time. and then this morning my mom goes....you look like ur hungover.....i was just like...thnx.

i forgot....

btw....does anyone know how many heartbreaks steven tyler went through in his lifetime? he writes the best hurt/love songs.....i love it....the man is ahmazing! lol i just said aHmazing....ew....gtg wash my brained.....bye