Mess of Me

It hangs around my neck

Some cross of noose and necklace.

Decorative but choking all at once.

It claws at my spine

Like a spider up a spout.

Trying hard to reach what’s filled with doubt.

 

(Can I fight this?) (This fear that I will lose)

(Can I fight me?) (This fear of breaking soon)

Everything internal starts to bleed.

I’ve made a mess of me,

So much for the weapons you lent me.

I’ve made a mess, laying in this mess

Of me.

 

It keeps in my place

Some kind of apologetic stain

On the way that your heart folds itself in time.

It dances in my throat

The hooks of words she never wrote

Stinging in my head cause the rest of me is numb.

 

(Can I fight this?) (This fear that I will lose)

(Can I fight me?) (This fear of breaking soon)

Everything internal starts to bleed.

I’ve made a mess of me,

So much for the weapons you lent me.

I’ve made a mess, laying in this mess

Of me.

 

You kept me sane,

You kept me secret,

Lying in the dark about my scars.

But I needed to see,

I needed to fix myself,

Or at least get the chance to try again.

 

(Can I fight this?) (This fear that I will lose)

(Can I fight me?) (This fear of breaking soon)

Everything internal starts to bleed.

I’ve made a mess of me,

So much for the weapons you lent me.

I’ve made a mess, laying in this mess

Of me.