Best Friends and Too Much Reading

I’m just gonna talk here, if that’s okay? Over the past couple years I’ve tried to learn stuff about people, and especially myself, and this blog has been an extremely useful tool for that. I just finished a really good book called the Secret Life of Prince Charming and really. It was mostly about ex boyfriends and how bad guys are for you and how there are a lot of assholes. But, as a heterosexual female, the book also spoke to me directly. You wouldn’t have half as many bad memories of assholes if you didn’t spend so much time with them. No one even reads this so I’m gonna include a personal anecdote. …Two? Two years ago, more or less, I think, I had this best friend. I mean, we kissed and did the whole, we’re twelve but I love you thing, and it was so real for me, but he was always my best friend first you know? And then when he wasn’t anymore, when he acted more like my boyfriend, I thought I had to act more like his girlfriend. And that never really felt right. And then one day my best friend starting avoiding me, and I started feeling relieved and I HATED that. So I thought maybe the more I missed him, the sooner he’d come back and be normal. Either  I didn’t miss him enough, or that didn’t work. (And believe me, I missed him a lot) And now I don’t hate that sense of relief when he avoided me. I’m thankful for it. It should have been a signal something was wrong, and it was. I just chose to ignore that for a long time. And that was so stupid. Because it prevented me from getting closer to someone else, a new best friend. One that’s my best friend today. And who knows what’ll happen with us. I could write a blog about him in two years, but there’s only one thing I hope. I hope I don’t say similar things. They were both great guys, though. To me anyways. Who even knows if I knew/know the real them. Who even knows if real people exist. But I at least want to learn from myself. From the ways that I suspended my own loneliness out of patience. And even now how I let fear keep me out of things. But hey. That’s what best friends are for, right?