I know i sound insane, like i'm playing games...

Alright. Sorry mike. I really really do mean it. You are a good friend. Don't make me eventually hate you by trying to do the couple thing. I can't do teen relationships. Its time to accept this. I can't date guys I don't like. Its a crippling fact actually. I'm sorry. But yeah... I wrote a new song if which vrai entitled Senses. I really like the song and OMG....i didn't get to sing on stage yesterday. I was very upset. Oh yeah...I got an "awesome" hair cut. I'm still not sure if i really like it but everyone else does...idk..Note to everyone: Audacity is amazing. THANK YOU JAY. But yeah.... i recorded Senses a few times and I even played around with backing vocals for awhile. I personally think the song is very cool. I like it. I'm being more honest with myself now. A bit ironic if you ask Aimez but, I am. Oh and yeah...some of the things I say on here are actually a little funny. Got to go.

Where have our senses gone?

"Arista Wednesday. Great. More physical and mental assault...i mean... lovely entertainment, from the Paulo IS75 8th Chorus." lmao. So anyway, this is kind of a general update. I'm fine. I'm still over it. Which is nice. Guess what?? TOMORROW I GET TO BE ONSTAGE DURING SIXTH PERIOD. i have ALWAYS wanted to sing on that stage. and yeah. i might be a little scared but...thats okay because i WANT to be there. so itll work. and i swear if reinhold tries anything tomorrow...he shall wish he was dead. oh btw--i tried out to be in a saint clare production of beauty and the beast. i practiced my english accent lol i'm not sure if i got the part or not actually....we'll see.

I can breathe without you dear.

Deep in your soul.....Lies a lonely heart....that only ever pumps for you alone.....I feel like I've been hit by an 18 wheeler. I've moved on. I'm over it. I'm finished. And that is a good thing. A good thing for me. To be done with. And while I'm thrilled that someone actually cares, well....a few people actually care, its tiring reiterating myself over and over because I am in fact....done. Aimez and certain people....MIKE....dont believe me. I'm right. I know I am. I have to be. I absolutely positively have to be. I want to be out of here. In the deepest chamber of my heart....maybe Im already gone.....and maybe thats a good thing. Why are there so many maybes? Its not fair. Btw---thank you Mike Spella....I had...a thing...yesterday....but I still dont like you. Like that. Just in case you were wondering. Cause. That's not happening. I'm sincerely sorry...well...no not really... I shouldn't have to be sorry for something i dont feel. And...seeing as you "adore me with every fiber of your being," wouldn't want me to be sorry for something I cant help. And....I did something...and I'm proud. It was the first step of being over. Thats when it clicked. That I need to be out of here. Out of this place. Its a room that I'm leaving and locking the door. I'm gone. Bye bye bye. Lmao. Wasnt that a NSync song? Anyway. I want to go home. Actually...no I dont want to go home. I just want to go to sleep. For a really really long time. And when I wake up, there will favorably be a (good looking) prince there. With a white horse that can explain everything. That would be nice. I'm very confused about a lot of things. Which is not nice. At all. Goodbye.

hmm....about damn time.

La la la. Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you. HA. I said it. I finally said it. Now whether I mean it or not is the question.

You never been so used as I'm using you...

Well then. Officially 14, and I vow to never again for the rest of my life clean a toilet. I am officially find a husband who cleans toilets. It is my new lifelong quest. Anyway...I'm having a birthday party in like 2 hours....I have no idea how many people are coming, how many people I invited, or anything actually. But you know what? I dont' care. At this point I'm virtually non-existent. My mind is somewhere else all the time. Gotta go find that. ttyl

Though its easy to pretend I know your not a fool..

I love that song. Anyway..I'm deleting the alst post cuz I'm really not like that. I mean, he was cute but, not like....blogworthy. So..last nite was fucking amazing. My feet hurt but I really enjoyed everything. The whole thing. Usually at family parties my butt is glued to the chair. But last nite was awesome. I was dancing with my aunts who were acting just like me and we all had a lot of fun. I hated the fucking dj though. Every fucking kids game he had to grab me for. To help or whatever. I was like...shooting daggers at him with my eyes. But I still had a lot of fun. And...just saying here, no matter how many ltc movies are made about guys being jerks, you tell them this fact and they act like your the first one to ever think it. Like, how dare you not bow. Jerks.

Women who are just too pretty to even be alive cause its just....not fair:

1. Heidi Klum. Honestly? Come on now.
2. Angelina Jolie is just an alien so, I'm not sure if she belongs on this list. But really has anyone besides Brad Pitt pulled up her shirt? I bet you anything theres no belly button.
3. Rihanna....as much I hate to admit it, she went from sweet girl innocence to bad girl and everything in between has rocked. you go girl!
4. Taylor Swift....just...not....fair.
5. Hayley Williams. If I was that pretty I really would not know what to do with myself.
6. Cassadee Pope. This girl should just be killed already.
7. Eva Mendez. I don't see whats so great about her. But ravings on her last movie guarantee her a place on this list.
8. Anne Hathway. She's pretty in a...modest way.
9. Jennifer Anniston. Ditto here. Are you sorry now Brad?
10. Nicole Kidman. Lost the short husband, got herself a good pair of heels, cut her hair and BOOM. Are you sorry now Tom?

...

I've been thinking. And talking to some pretty decent guys who are kinda just clueless when it comes to girls. So heres some basic ground rules:
1. Don't lie to us. Odds are we can figure out when somethings wrong.
2. Forcing us to do something won't make the situation any better. However, caox away!
3. Odds are, being a heterosexual male, a girlfriend down the road is gonna ask you, "Does this make me look fat?" Bad answer: Uh...no Bad answer#2: Yes? A little... Good answer: No. (This cancels out number one when we happen to look fat.)
TOO FUCKING TIRED. MORE LATER. NOT SURE WHY I STARTED THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE. UGH. COFFEE!!!!

Woke up this morning....bitterness in my mouth...

I was right. I never told anyone what I thought but it doesnt matter now. I was right. And eventually, my being right is gonna complicate things for me. But right now I'd just like to bask in the fact that I wasn't wrong about this.

While my tongue is on the inside of some other guy's teeth....

Tell your girlfriend....if shes got beef that I'm vegetarian and i fucking scared of her...lmao. ok sorry i was having a moment...i've been having them a lot lately actually. "me" moments. where i just have fun. It's quite wonderful actually. sorry i havent blogged lately...i just kinda wanted to see where this little "happy patch" would take me. and now its over. mrs.chan called my house this week, we got report cards and...my mom is just out and out pissed at me. so..."happy patch" terminated. but that doesnt mean i still can't have fun. tonight i wanna go out...i wanna go to the movies....saturday night i wanna go to a dance...and sunday i wanna have a band practice...is that a sin? guys suck. like....officially...and yay, i have singing tonight. i cant wait...and i cant wait for the talent show. which im in. because...hell yeah...i'm fucking awesome!lmao...my friends boyfriend, (who cheated on her, then she stupidly took back), dumped her, called her a fat ugly bitch, and said he was only dating her to get to her best friend. so, if anyone was wondering why some guys officaially SUCK thats why. and no, jay, ten years from now i wont be a lesbian. ten years from now i'll be dating some hot college guy wondering why i ever thought guys sucked in the first place. until he dumps me, then i'll remmeber. but thats okay. cuz i get up. fall down seven times get up eight right? oh yeah. did i mention my stalker? mike...who thinks he loved me but called me a whore, bitch, and THEN lied to me and said he did POT (FUCKING COME ON????) and now he thinks its okay to call me. and call me babe no less. still. after everything. after every single thing that i told him. EVERYTHING. and another tht pissed me off about him....i felt like he was trying to manipulate me into liking him. im sorry. i do not date why nots. and especially fake pothead why-nots!!!!! okay? okay. bells gonna ring soon. i'll write more later. i missed this.

Yeah I talk shit just deal with it

Last night I couldn't sleep at like 3 a.m. so I read a book. And in this book, a guy is having a party and invites his girlfriend, who is quite like me actually, and so not a party girl. However, she thinks this is what her boyfriend wants and therefore, drinks a beer and dances with one of her guy friends in a um.....suggestive way. A bunch of non-important events happened then, thus leading the girl to go to his dorm, and tell him she was sorry for acting like an idiot at his party. He explains that he never wanted a party girl, only her. Which I thought was very sweet and I actually cried over this book too. It was important for me that they stayed together. That's a mature relationship. I actually hugged the book for awhile after I read it, just to let it soak in.
Now my knee really hurts for some reason and there is no way I can ride my bike. School tomorrow =(

Everytime I see you it gets more and more intense....

Note to all teenage girls: Grandfathers bringing up people in your age group posing nude online is a topic you furiously want to avoid. Trust me. It's weird. Especially when you add the fact that you know someone that did it. So yeah, awkward conversation cause he apparently "worries" about me. The right people never worry about me and the wrong people always do lol. Anyway, hope everyone had a happy Easter or Passover or whatever anyone else celebrates lol. I wanna do something today. I have had my dose of crazy for awhile though. And by the way, to all of the people who still think women have no place in rock, I'd like to point out one thing. The 80's. Okay? Follow me here. Poison, Crue, Kiss, need I go on? What do they look like? WOMEN. The 80's look was inspired by women, and the music was about fucking them and getting high with them. Lol. That's all I have to say. Bye.